loIt was a clear, blustery afternoon.  The sun beating down on us through the cool gusts of wind made it just warm enough to leave jackets at home and PERFECT for kite-flying!  So off we went to the large, grassy field near our home with about eight kites in a bag and a hope that at least a couple weren’t tangled or broken.

We tested out a few of them before deciding on one for each kid that seemed to work best against the strong wind.  See, there were some that, once they were launched, would stay up for a little while before completing a number of swirling dives and plummeting to the ground with a thud.  Then there were some that just seemed to be designed to catch the wind on their own and soar as high as they could with very little help.

I sat on the warm grass in the sun, watching my kids as they held tightly to their kites.  But, of course, being a 21st century mom of young kids, that didn’t last too long as I jumped up to take some photos with my phone.  Here’s one I captured of my son.  Isn’t the back of his head handsome?

And when I asked my daughter if I could take some photos, here’s what she immediately did:

I laughed and thought to myself as I settled back onto the grass, “Well, isn’t that just like her.  That’s exactly who she is, captured right in those photos.”

It got me thinking…how often do I focus on who my daughter isn’t in an effort to “raise her right”.  I’m seeking to mold and shape her, of course, and I undoubtedly want her to understand right from wrong, to understand authority, to help her to grow and to guide her character.  But how often are my thoughts and actions and motivations based on who she isn’t: “her insistence on being right” or “her stubbornness” or “her lack of sympathy for her brother” or her “lack of focus”?  How she isn’t this, isn’t that.

And how often do I focus on who my daughter IS…how she has a calm demeanor and a sweet spirit.  How she exercises self-control and loves to give gifts to show how much she cares?  How she uses every ounce of her creative spirit when she’s playing or painting or brainstorming or writing?  How she is affectionate and fun-loving.

As we flew kites that day, I was reminded that my focus can affect my daughter’s spirit like the two kinds of kites.  I can focus internally and externally on who she ISN’T and I can consequently see that reflected in her spirit like the first kite…staying up for a little while as she is instructed in what is good.  But as I continue and continue on what she isn’t, inevitably I watch as her spirit spirals downward quickly in discouragement, landing with a thud.

OR, good news, my friends…I can focus internally and externally on who she IS and  consequently see that reflected in her spirit like the second kite.  It’s the one that soars.  She hears the encouraging words and lifts up high almost effortlessly, like the kite that was MADE to just take off on it’s own, as if it was designed to take the wind into itself (because it was!), maxing out it’s string and pulling into the sky, reaching to go higher and higher.  Uplifted, encouraged, not just knowing she’s loved but FEELING she is loved.  Taking off, almost dancing up there.

We were indeed given our daughters to mold, shape, and instruct.  It’s our very important duty and responsibility.  But we were also given them to encourage and celebrate who they are already.  Maybe it’ll take extra effort.  Maybe you grew up with a  parent who wasn’t encouraging.  Start small and notice the little things she does, putting it into words the best way you know how.  You’ll get the hang of it! Whether you grew up feeling encouraged or not, no matter what yesterday looked like, you CAN do this!

Mamas, focus on who your daughter IS instead of who she is IS NOT.  Then watch her soar.

What makes your daughter special?  How can you focus on who she IS instead of who she ISN’T?  Comment below!