The holidays are a perfect example of how not-in-control we really are.
That loved one can’t attend Christmas this year. Great Grandma’s cookie recipe flopped. 60% of the kids aren’t looking at the camera for extended family photos (and the other 40% are wailing). The foul weather keeps guests from a carefully-timed dinner. A hormonal teen makes for “interesting” family dynamics. A spouse is diagnosed.
This is NOT the Christmas season (or LIFE) you hoped for.
Suddenly, everything is so far out of your control that all joy vanishes.
And in place of joy, you experience disappointment, frustration, and sadness.
Now maybe for some of us, it’s easy to identify and acknowledge those feelings, dealing with them in healthy ways.
But for many of us the fleshly response is more like, “Okay, I’m losing control here. God’s obviously on Christmas Break. It’s time for me to do what I can to regain control of this so Christmas (or life in general) isn’t a colossal failure.”
So we pout, stress, cope by overeating, try and appease everyone, get mad when they’re still not appeased, feed anxious thoughts, say regrettable things, judge, worry, and maybe even manipulate, hoping to scrape together the Christmas we envisioned.
In summary, we grasp for control to avoid feeling disappointed.
And we hope that the result will bring back the joy that’s quickly fleeing our hearts. But it never.ever.does.
Time after time, when we sense losing control, we fall into the same thoughts, attitudes, and actions. And chances are, this isn’t just something that happens at Christmas. It happens anytime life (read GOD) brings you the unexpected with its undesirable outcomes.
Mary knew what it was like to feel out-of-control.
In the first chapter of Luke, we read an amazing story about a young woman named Mary who was thrown a curveball in her otherwise well-planned life.
Mary was a virgin, betrothed to Joseph, an upstanding man in their community. Any reasonable person can conclude that Mary was on a good path with a good plan in place.
Then something very unexpected happens. An angel visits her and tells her that things are about to change. The angel shares that, even though she is a virgin, she will give birth to the Son of God.
Talk about a change of plans! Did Mary scramble and freak out? Did she make lots of calls? Did she bargain with God or go and hide?
Let’s explore THREE WAYS Mary responded when life felt out-of-control so we can take notes from her.
3 Things to Do When Life Feels Out-of-Control: Lessons from Mary.
Lesson 1: When life feels out-of-control, control your thoughts.
Do you know something I love about Mary? Luke 1 says that when God’s messenger appeared, Mary was afraid. Mary was a real person with real feelings. Angels always evoke awe and fear when humans encounter them and Mary is no different.
When you feel control slipping away, chances are you feel fear, too. Maybe it manifests in anger, frustration, or manipulation. But at it’s root is fear of losing control.
But what we can learn from Mary is this: FEAR does not need to control you, your thoughts, or your response. Even in the midst of fear, Mary controlled her thoughts, asking herself ” what sort of greeting this might be”.
Lesson 2: When life feels out-of-control, listen to God’s voice.
Mary could have run away. She could have plugged her ears until the angel left. She could have done many things to gain control of the situation. But we know from scripture that, even in her fear, she listened to God’s voice.
Mary was humble enough to recognize that her life was not her own. She recognized that when God interrupts her plan, there must be a purpose.
As Mary discerned what kind of greeting this was, God knew her heart was ready to receive news from him. So Mary listened carefully as the angel spoke about the new, amazing direction for her life. She heard how she was CHOSEN to be a part of God’s story…something she’d never realize had she not listened.
You, too, can pray in your heart for discernment from God when control seems out of reach. You, too, can ask what God has for you in this moment, in this season, just as Mary did.
You, too, can humble yourself and receive the interruption God has brought into your well-crafted plans. God, help us!
Lesson 3: When life feels out-of-control, respond in faith.
In case it’s been awhile, check out what God shared with Mary and how she responded:
34 And Mary said to the angel, “How will this be, since I am a virgin?”35 And the angel answered her, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born will be called holy—the Son of God. 36 And behold, your relative Elizabeth in her old age has also conceived a son, and this is the sixth month with her who was called barren. 37 For nothing will be impossible with God.” 38 And Mary said, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” And the angel departed from her.
Luke 1:34-38
That is some MAJOR news about Mary’s future! All the plans Mary may have had for her life now have a completely different trajectory.
Think of all the implications here: being an unwed, pregnant girl in a small community, the uncertainty of how her future husband would react… so many unknowns that could cause any normal person to react by grasping at control…
I mean, put yourself in her place! And we think OUR CHRISTMAS is stressful!
But…
We have the privilege of learning a priceless lesson from Jesus’ mother, a chosen, cherished daughter of God: even when life is out of our control, and even if we are afraid, Christians can respond in faith.
Do you realize that? Just because you have always reacted to your fear of losing control by exploding, retreating, feeling sorry for yourself, or giving up, that doesn’t mean you have to keep doing it.
Today, when you face the unexpected, you can respond as Mary has: in faith.
You, too, can say, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord.” And you can say it in faith, no matter how big or small that “thing” is. You can believe God is good and faithful in your heart, in the midst of uncertainty…
- You can look at your diagnosis and say, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord.”
- You can look at the mess of your Christmas plans and say, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord.”
- You can feel the fear, frustration, and anxiety mounting as last minute RSVP’s roll in and say, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord.”
- You can ponder the loss of a loved one, acknowledge your sadness, and say, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord.”
- You can hear your child tell you she’s supposed to bring Christmas cookies to school when you’re already ten minutes late, and say in your heart, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord.”
- You can ponder your empty bank account, vengeful ex-spouse, or sick child and STILL say, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord.”
See, when we place our hopes for joy in anything other than Jesus–our plans, expectations, people, stuff–we will always be disappointed. But joy in Jesus never leads to disappointment.
Take your plans off the altar of your life. Instead, put Christ there, saying, “I am the servant of the Lord.”
Remember, just because life feels out of control, doesn’t mean it is. God is still sitting on the throne.
When we control our thoughts, listen to God’s voice, and respond in faith, just as Mary did, joy will come. And no matter what perceived control slips through our fingers, we can experience settled peace…not just at Christmas but all year round.
I hope that’s as much a comfort to you as it is for me this season.
To read more about how to respond well when life doesn’t go as expected, check out my blog post “When God Thwarts Your Wonderful Plans”.
