What is the “What If Devo Series”?

If you yell a lot, you’re at the right blog at the right time. Today begins a series of devos called “The What If Devo Series”. Moms ask, “What if…” a LOT in our minds, to families/friends, and to God. This series will address a variety of tough “What if…” questions moms have.

Asking, “What if…” can be a good thing if it leads to healthy habits and relationships and ultimately draws us closer to Christ. Asking, “What if…” with an open heart and open Bible helps us become stronger, confident women and moms who are growing in the Lord.

On the other hand, “What if…” can also lead to anxiety, worry, and frustration when we depend only on ourselves for the answer. You may even know someone who hinges ALL her security on figuring out every “what if” in life, whether they’re her concern or not!

This devo series will guide you to take the first approach, leading to peace, strength, wisdom, and confidence in God.

The Question: What if I yell a lot?

I believe yelling (as in “anger yelling”) is more common among moms–even Christian moms–than we’re willing to admit. And though we may be good at hiding it, those closest to us know the truth.

I’m not sure what your motivation to yell has been, but for me, yelling has always boiled down to these insecurity triggers:

1. I feel unheard (so you need to know how important I am).
2. I feel disrespected (so you need to know how angry I am).
3. I feel unappreciated (so you need to know how hurt I am).
4. I feel out-of-control (so you need to know how powerful I am).

Now, we need to be careful, because even using the word “triggers” can imply that its someone else’s responsibility to ensure we don’t yell. If we take the “without God” approach mentioned earlier, we fall into excuses like “Well, if she had only cleaned her room, I wouldn’t have yelled” or “If they would just stop fighting, I wouldn’t need to yell”.

But can you see that the “without God” approach puts all the pressure and responsibility on others to ensure you’re emotionally secure?

Do you also see that these excuses make us appear to be slaves to our circumstances?

What I’ve come to realize is this: whenever I yell or lose my temper, the problem is NOT “them”. It’s me. The problem is my pride, my sin.

More specifically, the problem is this sinful heart attitude:

I’m entitled to have my way.

“Yup, I’m entitled to get what I want, when I want it, and how I want it. And it’s up to others to maintain my status quo or I’ll yell/throw a tantrum/give the silent treatment/put you on a guilt trip, store up resentment, etc.”

Now, its worth mentioning there are times where anger is righteous. In fact, Jesus exhibited righteous anger in the temple in Matthew 21 and Mark 11. But I think if we’re all honest, RARELY is our anger “righteous”.

The typical kind of mom-anger and yelling would not come from an attitude that gives others a greater sense of God’s holiness. Let’s face it: we’re not “cleansing any temples”.

No, most likely, our anger deeply grieves the heart of God.

This anger points away from grace, forgiveness, lovingkindness, and restoration. It points, instead, towards shame, unforgiveness, condemnation, and despair.

Friend, you know it. I know it. Our yelling, our anger, our entitlement is sin. We are NOT entitled to a carefree life and a family that fits our every desire. And in the moment, when we “go with the flow” of the flesh, just as Proverbs 17:14 says,

The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so quit before the quarrel breaks out.

Proverbs 17:14 ESV

Once we start, it’s so hard to stop, right? I know, I’ve been there too! It’s a wretched place to be. And after “letting out my water”, I’ve found myself lamenting, wondering “what if” my kids would be in therapy someday because of me. (Yes, I’ve really asked THAT “what if”)

No longer a slave

The Bible says that those without Christ are slaves to their sin. And sometimes it feels like, we too, are slaves to our own words.

But as Christ-followers, the good news is that the “What if I yell?” question has an answer that doesn’t have to lead to the anxiety or despair found in godless “what ifs”. The good news is you are no longer a slave and you no longer have to “go with the flow” of your flesh. The Holy Spirit (also called the Helper) can assist you in pursuing self-control. You can’t do it alone, but he can change even the most entitled “yeller”.

Years ago, I remember leaving a voicemail for someone and as soon as I hung up, I yelled at my daughter. As it turns out, I had NOT hung up and had finished the voicemail with a string of reckless words to my five year old. Yeah, I still cringe thinking about it.

Sometimes we feel that, like my voicemail, our yelling and anger is on permanent record with God. We may think that sins we’ve long since repented of can be replayed on God’s messages for our eternal shame.

Friend, you can’t take back your words, your tone, or your body language used in anger. But in spite of the damage to those you love, there is always, ALWAYS grace and forgiveness found in Jesus Christ. When you repent of your sin of anger before God, it is forgiven “as far as the east is from the west”. Overflowing, abundant, LAVISH forgiveness & grace, like the father towards his prodigal son, is yours.

And not only that, but when we seek God’s wisdom in addressing our self-control, he can help turn our “sword thrust” words into words that heal. Such comforting news.

But repentance with those we love is crucial.

Friend, TODAY is the day to humble yourself and ask forgiveness from those you’ve hurt. Don’t wait another moment. Tell them you’re sorry. Share that you’re asking God for help. Tell them it’ll be hard for you, but that you’re seeking self-control through the Holy Spirit. They may be in a place to forgive or they may not, but do your part. Obey God’s call: seek them, repent, and pray for the capable God of the universe to change you.

“What if I yell tomorrow?”

I’ve been there. Don’t give up hope. Repent again. God’s grace is still big enough to accommodate. Then rest knowing what Christ did for your sin, even the ugliest ones, was enough.

But here are a few tips for those who yell:

• Confess to a trusted friend and ask her to check in with you about your attitude/words.
• Ask God to help you identify areas in which you feel entitled.
• If you’re prone to yell at certain people, give them permission to “call you out” when it’s happening.
• Read and meditate on what God’s Word says about words and anger (subscribe to get a FREE PRINTABLE with helpful verses by clicking here).
• Drop every excuse you hold onto for your sin (not just in the area of yelling, but ALL areas).
• Drop the euphemisms for anger and yelling (like “frustration”, “venting”, “being stressed”, or “irritated”). Call it what it is.
• Daily remind yourself that you are NOT a slave to sin.
• Pick up one of my Planner & Prayer Journals for Women to help establish a healthy, thriving prayer life.

Remember: others may be slaves, but you’re not. You’re a victor through Christ. A mom who loves Christ spends her life pursuing genuine repentance, faith, and grace and is in an honored place to be able to live it out before her family, even as a recovering “yeller”. As Charles Spurgeon once said,

“Repentance grows as faith grows. Do not make any mistake about it; repentance is not a thing of days and weeks, a temporary penance to be got over as fast as possible! No; it is the grace of a lifetime, like faith itself. God’s little children repent, and so do the young men and the fathers. Repentance is the inseparable companion of faith.”

― Charles H. Spurgeon, All of Grace

How has the truth of the gospel helped you as a mom who struggles with yelling? What verses have ministered to you? Comment below!