One of the biblical topics I struggle with most is this tension between the flesh and spirit, the old creation and the new.
In Romans 6-8, Paul seems to go back and forth. Are believers new creations, no longer slaves to sin? Or are we “wretched”? How can a wretched sinner, who confesses, “I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing” still live a life that brings honor to God in her life and with her family?
Sadly, there was a time in my life when I thought little about being a “new creation”. I mistakenly thought that Jesus’ death for me on the cross meant I could speak and act and think however I wanted. I neglected any teaching about the fruits of the spirit and sanctification and remained happy (or so I thought) in my fleshly desires. After all, Christ died for them, so I needn’t think more about them, right? I was like a happy baby settling into her poopy diaper…warm, cozy, and absolutely filthy. You young moms can identify! Gross, right?
So perhaps this is why holiness and sanctification have been difficult for me to wrap my mind around. This morning as I read Romans 6-8, I prayed for God to bring me at least some small amount of clarity to Paul’s message in the book. I asked, “God, if I seek to live a godly life, does it detract from what Christ has done? If I rest in God’s grace, does that mean the ‘Law’ talked about so much in Romans is completely void in my life? How does all this play out? Where does holiness enter and is my life a reflection of your inspired words in Romans?”
Believing moms tend to default to one side of the gospel equation or the other.
Some of us, when we aren’t careful or become too uncomfortable with the tension, default to setting our eyes on the holy standard God has set and work hard to try and meet his expectations by the Law. Do stuff, work harder, try in my own power not to be impatient or snap at my kids. We even can unintentionally preach that message to our children. And because sinners can never meet all the requirements of God’s Law, that only ends in exhaustion, futility, and frustration, both in the mom and her relationship with her family.
But some of us default to the loving grace of God while neglecting the change he desires in our lives as believers. We get comfortable in our sin while remaining uncomfortable with the sins of others. We gladly accept his forgiveness for us, but we do it so much that our sin isn’t even considered. The Holy Spirit convicts us and instead of repenting and turning from that sin, we gloss it over with soothing thoughts, playing the same old recordings in our conscience to quench the Holy Spirit’s work in our lives. In essence, we think everyone else’s sin matters to God, but not our own, taking for granted Christ’s sacrifice for us (Hebrews 10 talks about this). This can play out in our families as well, teaching our children that God’s grace covers all sin, but failing to address sin when it rears it’s ugly head. Children learn that being a Christian means a “free pass”. They learn that Christ is all about serving THEM, not them serving HIM. We risk raising (and becoming) self-centered, spiritually-starved hedonists who fail to see their sin for what it is.
Friends, I’m no theologian, and I don’t pretend to be. But I do so love God’s Word.
I love the context, meaning, richness, depth, message, accessibility, and the One who made the message accessible: Jesus. I believe with all my heart that his very being courses through my veins…that he lives within me as the Holy Spirit. So, on one hand, I know without a shadow of a doubt that his holiness runs supernaturally throughout me. I am a new creation ONLY because of him in me. It’s not because I have special knowledge, follow special traditions, or I’ve done special things. I have it because God gifted it to me when I didn’t deserve it. If I had absolutely no sense of that, I think there’d be major reason for concern, am I right?
On the flip side, my flesh, my body, my sinful state is still trying to win. I still say things that hurt my kids, I still argue with my husband over my selfish desires, I still grumble when I have to do the dishes, I still get offended when I need to let things go, and I still seek my own way. Maybe you do those things, too (don’t leave me hanging here!). And when it happens, it’s that feeling of “Augh! I did it again! Why do I DO that?!” At those moments, I feel like me and the amazing apostle Paul are somehow on a level playing field when he says in Romans 7:24, “Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?” This mom & wife hears you, Paul!
Now these are defaults I believe we all fall into. Neither is where God is calling moms to be.
So how do we settle this tension?
The answer is: NEVER this side of eternity since we live in a fallen world in fallen, sick bodies, with other fallen, sick people, and a “prowling lion” seeking to kill & destroy us. However, there is hope. I read an excellent quote from Pastor John MacArthur that really helped bring this into perspective. He said,
“I choose to live my life not spending all my time saying, ‘Woe is me, woe is me, woe is me,’ but rather saying, ‘Boy, where did that come from? That’s not what I desire.’ I choose to live my life the way Paul does in Romans 7. You know what? I find myself doing things I don’t want to do. I find myself doing things that are absolutely inconsistent with who I am. What an outrage that stuff is in my life. This is simply Paul reinforcing the reality of that new life. You must see your sin as an intrusion into who you really are in Christ.” (from “Understanding the Believer’s Battle with Sin, Part 1”)
Strangely, even though we probably all do what we can to avoid tension and struggle, in this place of faith, the tension and struggle is, somehow, our sweet spot. In this tension Paul expounds on in Romans 6-8, we learn that God not only SET the standard with his own holiness & Law, but he also MET the standard by sending his Son, Jesus. In this beautiful, complex tension, the standard is both SET and MET by the only One who could do it, giving us the opportunity to stay humble in our sinful flesh while confidently rejoicing over Christ’s finished work in us. We remain frustrated with the flesh and grateful that this flesh isn’t forever. We seek to make things right, giving God the credit for his redeeming work in us. And we can witness to believers and unbelievers alike about the holiness and grace of God without compromising one or the other. Without our struggle with sin, unbelievers couldn’t identify with us. Without the grace, we could offer them no solution.
How can this strangely beautiful tension play out practically in your family?
Forgive and ask for forgiveness. Extend grace and acknowledge you need it. Contemplate God’s holiness and your shortcomings and in the next breath praise him for his goodness and mercy. Love deeply both those who know Christ and those who don’t. Expect your kids to mess up and use it to teach about both sin AND grace. Then model that with your marriage. Don’t strive for perfection. Strive for intimacy with Jesus, your only hope.
Maybe because this world is already so wrought with tension, this isn’t the answer you were hoping for. But the kind of tension we live with as believers is the only tension that can both convict and satisfy. And both are needed to glorify God with our lives until we leave this earth.
Which side of the tension is your default and how have you handled that tension? Comment below!
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