Is a quality relationship with God impossible for the busy woman?  Too often, the well-intentioned woman struggles to “fit God in” to her already-packed schedule.  She works hard, desires more in her walk, but ends her day spiritually and physically exhausted.  Yet, she sees other women who seem to know Christ intimately.  

“She must have more time in her day to pray,” she tells herself. “What is she doing that I’m not?” she wonders.  

The truth is, even in this busy, distracted world, many women are thriving in their relationships with God, making significant impacts for his kingdom, just as he made them!  They’re experiencing supernatural peace, emotional security, and unsurpassed joy, whether life is great or crumbling around them.

“What secrets do they know that I don’t?” 

The “secrets” these women know are actually not-so-secret.  Having a quality relationship with God requires what any other quality relationship does.  Let’s look at the not-so-secret secrets these women know.

A quality relationship with God takes…

1. Time.

In our fast-paced, scheduled-packed lives, we can foolishly believe earthly relationships need little time investment.  We tell ourselves, “Quality vs. quantity.” But women who have a thriving, quality relationship with God know they must invest time towards building intimacy.  Sunday morning worship, although wonderful, isn’t enough for a quality relationship with God and they know it. They need time with him every day, if possible. For many of us, time is our most precious commodity. Translation? A relationship with God is going to cost you.  But sisters who hold the “secret” to a quality relationship with God have discovered that this “cost” is a small price to pay for a priceless, precious reward.

2. Effort.

“But those women must not be as busy as I am,” you may say. Try saying that to her!  Relationships take effort. The next not-so-secret secret to a quality relationship with God is these sisters have adjusted their schedules through effort.   I lead a very busy life of homeschooling my children, maintaining Made Matchless, teaching, and upkeeping the home. So my “effort” is that I’ve disciplined myself to wake up earlier before my children to spend time with God.  In addition, many sisters remove less-important items from their schedules in order to leave time for God. So in a way, maybe they’re “less busy”, but it’s done so with effort and for purpose.  You can choose this, too! (Am I stepping on any toes yet?)

3. Intentionality.

I already started hinting at this… just as in earthly relationships, quality relationship with God requires intentionality.  This could look like a Bible reading plan, small group study, or devotions based on Scripture. In other words you have a PURPOSE for your time and effort.  As a busy mom, I know that if I wait until I’m IN the time to decide how to SPEND my time, I’ll WASTE time trying to decide how to USE my time!  So I use resources (like the Made Matchless Planner & Prayer Journal for Women) to help me not only plan my day, but get focused right away.  I’m not sitting down to my quiet time saying, “Now what?” When that happens, you’ll find me scrolling Instagram five minutes later! 

4. Reciprocity.

Maybe you’ve known someone who loved your friendship…until you needed friendship in return.  Quality relationships require give and take. The not-so-secret secret is that a quality relationship with God doesn’t just ask from God, but also returns to praise him, enjoy his presence, and serve him. Even if all he did was save us from hell, we could never give more than God gives to us! A heart that appreciates God’s grace wants to give all of herself in return (and you KNOW God is ready to use that woman!).  It’s the most beautiful reciprocity I know.

5. Presence.

Honestly, this is the hardest for me because there are so many distractions: social media, email, chores, even kiddos!  But when a friend opens her heart to you about life, the last thing you’d do is get your phone out, text another friend, or check Twitter.  Instead, you’d plop that phone in your purse, look her in the eyes, and listen. That’s what God desires from you. He longs for you to put away the distractions, get in his Word, and “listen” to his heart for you. He wants your presence, heart, and attention.  What he has to say is the most important thing you’ll hear all day, so be present and pay attention!

6. Communication.

“Did you hear a word I just said??”  Relationships fizzle without communication.  And with God, prayer is our main communication.  Sometimes those prayers are quick little “help me, God!” prayers (we’ve all done those)! But the not-so-secret secret is that prayer is an ongoing, open communication with God, not just reserved for Bible study, meal times, or bedtimes with children.  Prayer is for the everyday moments of joy, sorrow, conviction, worry, surrender, and gratitude. It’s real, raw, beautiful, simple, vulnerable, and supernatural. Prayer with God, like with an old friend, feels like you’re picking up right where you left off.

4 Bonus “Secrets”

Establishing a quality relationship with God may be similar to your earthly friendships, but they are NOT the same.  A quality relationship with God includes all of the above PLUS the right heart-attitude.  Here are four BONUS not-so-secret secrets:

Humility.

Proverbs 11:2 says, “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.” God’s not your “pal” or “BFF”. He is holy, righteous, and powerful and you must humble yourself before him.  As a believer, you must submit under God’s authority and assume he knows infinitely more about your life than you do. This will lead away from a casual, entitled relationship with the Father and towards greater trust and righty-placed dependency on him.

Confidence.

Hebrews 4:16 says, “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”  When you trust Christ as your Savior, you can humbly, yet confidently approach God in your time of need and he will hear you!  Don’t live in fear that God is “out to get you” because of your sin. Instead, repent and live in peace that you have been redeemed through the blood of Jesus.  Know he has your best interest at heart!

Obedience.

Jesus said in John 14:15, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments…” Many Christian women confuse obedience with “earning God’s love”.  But Jesus calls those in relationship with him to a life of obedience. When a believer obeys, no matter how a situation looks, it implies trust in the one being obeyed. And no quality relationship can stand without trust.

Faith.

2 Timothy 1:9 talks about how God “called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began.”  We cannot take credit for our quality of relationship with God since he is the one calling us to him, through faith, in each step we take.  If you are a Christian, the faith given to you by the Holy Spirit is what equips and enables you to pursue relationship with God.  And he WILL use it for his purposes. What a gracious God we have to not only save us, but to draw us in and place within us the desire to know him intimately.

Trust me when I say NO WOMAN IS “THERE” YET!  God is sanctifying us every day as we step towards true relationship and intimacy with him.  Which one are you wanting to grow in?  Did this post “step on your toes”? Would you add any “secrets” to the list? Comment below!