Parenting unique kids uniquely is becoming my specialty as a mom of four girls.  I’m Diane, wife to an amazing guy who practically lives his life in a sorority!  We have four daughters who are 13, 11, 9 and 6. And although our parenting style and approach have been the same over the years, I’d like to share with you how, in spite of that, we are somehow raising very unique and very different young ladies.

It didn’t take long after adding a second child to our family to realize that there were many differences in our girls – different sleep patterns, different eating preferences, cries, amounts of crying.  Looking back, just the differences in my pregnancies should have been my first clue to how things were changing the 2nd time around (and the 3rd time around, and the 4th).

I think we can all agree that being a mom is an awesome privilege and one of life’s greatest joys.  But being a mom is also overwhelming no matter how many children you have.  The demands are great, the days are long. But I’m also quickly learning that the years are short.  So after 13 years of being a mom to these four, very unique kids, I want to be sure I’m making the most of the time that I have with the kids the Lord has entrusted to us!  I want to love my children well, just as they are, and I want to encourage you to do the same.  So here are 3 tips that will help you honor God while parenting your unique kids uniquely, through each season of their lives.

1. Seek God’s Wisdom!   

James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.”  

I love this verse!  It is so important to seek the Lord in what your different kids’ needs are.  Ask Him to help you love them in a way that speaks to them individually.  

Most of us quickly realize we don’t know what we’re doing as first time moms, right?  I didn’t either!  But I read books, took classes at the hospital, talked to other moms and even interviewed pediatricians.  Continue to get wisdom from respected sources as they get older!  Apply these same methods to learn about your kids and how best to love them.

In addition to this, be sure to seek wisdom from your spouse.  At times, I can be so involved in the details of everyday life, I need a different perspective.  Talking with my husband (or someone else that is close with our family) can help me gain perspective to what is going on with my girls.  I’ve learned so much from my husband and the things that he observes in our girls that I don’t see.   He’ll ask me questions like, “How do you think daughter #3 is doing?  What is she struggling with? What does she need?” Conversations like these are super helpful to evaluate your kids, your approach, their needs, and how we as parents can better love our kids the way the Lord would have us.

2. Parent unique kids uniquely!  

Psalm 139:13-14 says, “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”  

Everyone is uniquely created by God.  This is amazing, yet also presents a challenge. Wouldn’t it be easy if everyone was the same and we just followed a formula to love and care for those around us?  But God has uniquely created and gifted each one of us for a purpose.  And likewise, God gives us unique and different children to love and care for in ways that speak to their needs.  

For one child, a look is all that is necessary to correct their behavior.  For another, I may need to correct her, talk with her, discipline her and still see no obvious results.  One child feels love through words, affirmation, encouragement, and praise.  While another child feels love through physical touch, sitting close, wrestling, and getting a back scratch.  

Try different things, learn your kids’ love languages, understand their personalities, study them, and then go back to #1, asking the Lord to give you wisdom and insight!  While I sometimes wish that one way to parent would meet everyone’s needs, the uniqueness of each child stretches me.   It forces me to trust the Lord for His grace, strength and wisdom in new ways, with each child and in every season.  Which brings us to our 3rd tip…

3. Parent through each unique season of their lives.

Over the years and by God’s grace, I’ve changed as a person and as a mom.  And just as moms learn & change, we can expect our children to learn & change.  As my daughters are getting older, they are growing in maturity and are taking steps of growth in their own personal relationships with the Lord.  I’ve learned that the way I love them also has to change because their needs change.  

With my older girls, I’m learning to listen more to them.  What are they saying? What are they not saying? What’s important to them and what are they saying about their friends?  Instead of instructing them (which is what I’m doing in my younger daughters’ current season), I’m making more choices to listen, making sure my words count.   That’s what these different seasons call for.

I hope these three tips for approaching your God-given, unique kids differently has been helpful and encouraging to you.  The privilege and responsibility of being a mom to multiple kids is a constantly changing situation, with each child uniquely created by the Lord.  Remember, that your hope and your help is from the Lord (Psalm 121:1-2).  Keep pursuing Him and His unchanging nature and wisdom.  He will fulfill His purpose for you and His purpose in the lives of your kids, just as they are.  

Diane is a humble, loving wife to Dave and a mom of 4 daughters.  She works hard to love each of her matchless beauties differently while maintaining a biblical perspective.  If you love what you read or were encouraged by it, leave Diane a comment below!