I have no self-confidence.
Really, it’s true. And it’s not because of how my parents spoke to me as a kid (they were very encouraging). And it has nothing to do with my body image. I’m actually not miserable in the slightest. So before recommending some nice counselors to me, read on to find out why having no self-confidence can change your life.
The self-confident woman
I used to think a self-confident woman is one who (surprise) approaches life confidently. She’s positive, determined, moving forward, assuming the best. She isn’t afraid to fail. This woman has what it takes so she’s never defeated.
She’s aware of her strengths and weaknesses and how her personality and traits can benefit a situation. She never questions her capabilities or what she will achieve. Her confidence in herself allows her to try new things that others back away from. She can do anything she puts her mind to!
The self-doubting woman
I pictured the self-doubting woman as one who always looks at life with uncertainty and doubt. She focuses on the negative. She’s defeated. She never moves forward, has regrets, and assumes the worst.
She’s fearful to try anything new, “knowing” she could never be successful. She may be aware of her strengths/weaknesses but has doubt that she can contribute or change. No matter the situation before her, she assumes someone more “qualified” is better fit for the challenge.
The Roller Coaster
Can you relate to either of these women? Believe it or not, I have yet to meet a woman who is consistently self-confident. It’s every woman’s struggle, although some of us are pros at faking it. We smile, look people in the eye, give firm handshakes and say, “everything’s great”, when deep down we’re drowning in insecurity.
Its a roller coaster. You push up that hill with determination & self-confidence. You reach the top, exhilarated. You did it all by yourself! Then another challenge comes. You fail. Your determination, talent, & best foot forward just isn’t enough. And the confidence you have in “self” disappears faster than a politician’s promise on election day.
What just happened?
This world preaches self-confidence as the ultimate goal. They say “Just believe in yourself and you can do anything” and it sounds great! But then reality hits:
Yelling at your spouse. Forgetting to pick up the kids from practice. Missing a deadline. Knowing your strengths, but passing the buck. Knowing your limits, but saying “yes” to one more commitment. At the end of the day, you ask yourself, “What just happened?”
Two Sides of a Coin
You might say “Well I’m only human. I’ll try better next time with more self-confidence.” But if we’re being truthful, there’s only so many times we pull up our bootstraps before it affects us. We simply can’t depend on our humanity 100% of the time and we know it. And when our self-confidence falters, self-doubt is waiting. Isn’t it exhausting?
However, during a particularly difficult season in my life, I began to question: is the real battle between my self-confidence and self-doubt? Am I really fighting one to achieve the other? Or does one perpetuate the other?
As I started to see God’s truth in my struggles I realized: My self-doubt is actually a result of having too much confidence in my flawed, sinful self. They aren’t opposites–they’re two sides to the same coin! When my self-confidence fails, self-doubt sets in. It’s inevitable because my “self” (that the world tells me to trust without question) is just simply not dependable.
The old van
Picture self-confidence like that used van the car salesman is peddling. It’s got a fresh coat of paint, and looks like the right deal, but you take it for a test drive and the engine stalls. The steering wheel wants to pull you into the ditch and the brakes fail. Its only a matter of time before it falls to pieces.
“Sure, its not too shabby outside,” you tell the salesman, “but its the inside that counts. I simply can’t put 100% full confidence in this vehicle to get me where I need to go.”
Yet here we are, buying the lie that more self-confidence is the answer to life’s challenges. Maybe you want to know: Well, can I really put full confidence in anything? The answer? Yes.
God-Confidence
What if we shifted our source of confidence from our fallible selves to Someone who’s infallible…as in never messes up, never disappoints, is always there on time every time, and works all things out for our good?
What if we stopped being our own god and put our trust in THE God? What if we embraced God-confidence for this challenging life? Here’s what God’s Word says about why you can have full confidence in Him.
- “I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.” Phil. 4:13
- “For the LORD will be at your side and will keep your foot from being caught in a trap.” Prov. 3:26
- “So we can confidently say, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?'” Heb. 13:6
- “And this is the confidence we have toward Him, that if we ask anything according to His will He hears us.” 1 John 5:14
- “But they who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” Isa. 40:31
- “[Jesus] committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.” 1 Pet. 2:22
My point in sharing these verses: When we fail, we CAN 100% depend on God. He will help, protect, strengthen, and He’s perfect.
Imagine surrendering your cares to the One who is capable of taking them! Imagine not having to strive tirelessly to do it yourself!
Don’t get me wrong…
I’m not saying we aren’t thankful for our skills, personality, and gifts. The vision of Matchless Beauty is to help women and girls know they are created by God to be matchless! We are changing the world with our matchlessness!
But we are not about the promotion of “self”. Wouldn’t you agree that even YOU let you down sometimes? We all do! The good news for you today is God never truly lets us down if we abide in Him. He’s faithful when you let yourself down, others down, and the world lets you down.
Certainty
Maybe you have yet to know the goodness, trustworthiness, and love of God. Maybe you were taught a woman who depends on anyone else is weak. After all, the world’s been telling women that since the serpent met Eve in the Garden of Eden.
Someone once said, “The only thing certain in this life is uncertainty.” But you need to know today: God is, truly, the only One you can have certainty in. And depending on Him is not only good, but becomes your strength! He becomes your solid foundation when everything else in your world shakes.
I have no self-confidence and I’m the happiest, most-content I’ve ever been. With God-confidence, He’s taken away the burden of me being everything I need to be for myself. And although I work hard every day and have tough moments, I don’t need to live an exhausted, striving, roller coaster life depending on myself alone.
Remember the self-confident woman?
Let’s see the God-confident woman:
Because of her confidence in God, she approaches life confidently. She’s positive, determined, moving forward, assuming the best. She isn’t afraid to fail because her God never fails. This woman God has what it takes so she’s never defeated.
She’s aware of her strengths and weaknesses and how her personality and traits can benefit a situation. She never questions her capabilities or what she will achieve because she knows God works out all things for the good of those who love Him. Her confidence in herself God allows her to try new things that others back away from. She can do anything she puts her mind to through Christ who strengthens her!
Ironically, we can learn one thing from the self-doubting woman: there IS someone more qualified than us for the challenges we face: God Himself.
Prayer: Lord, help me embrace a life of God-confidence. Show me where I strive to be what only You can be. Then, help me change, releasing that burden. In Jesus name, Amen.
Check out the “God confidence” t-shirt in my boutique by clicking here or on the photo of the shirt!
