What do you do when you’re not what your daughter needs most?

I asked myself that a couple weeks ago as my daughter tearfully shut  herself in her bedroom.  These 18 Verses When Your Daughter Needs Them Most would have come in handy a lot sooner (why didn’t someone else write it??).  But, as usual, God had some important lessons to teach us first…

My daughter had been fighting with her brother and the situation had gotten ugly pretty fast.  She was upset, he was angry, and I was frustrated (sound familiar at all?).  I calmed down to talk and reason with her, but it was too late.  My words of wisdom were no longer being heard.  She was beyond overwhelmed.

She ran to the comfort of her room to sit and cry.  I sat down at the table and breathed a prayer.

What can I do, God?  I feel helpless.  Usually my words are enough, but my words mean nothing right now.  I can’t fix this.  Do I leave her alone? Do I say more?  Help me be a good mom.  Show me what to do.

Then God brought to mind,

“Leah, what helps YOU when you feel like this?”

“I talk to You and read Your Word.”

“So, isn’t that what you want to teach your daughter to do?”

“Yes. Of course.”

“This is a good moment for that.”

“…Oh!  Thank you, God!”

I opened my Bible and scribbled down some verses…ones I thought may help her when my words aren’t enough, verses that could help her in a way only God can.   I ended up with a list of 18 verses for a variety of situations– verses to encourage her, remind her, refine her, and spur her on.

I went upstairs to her room and quietly tapped on the door.

“Honey, I know you’re upset.  And I really wish I had the right words to say.  But I wrote these down for you so you know what God has to say about it.  I want you to keep this list for whenever you need it.  And right now, I want you to pick two of them to look up in your Bible.  Any two you want.”

I was relieved when she wiped her eyes and took the list from me.  Soon after she closed the door, her crying stopped.

God is there, ready.

Now, friends, I’m sure you know I’m not saying Bible verses magically “fix” your daughter’s situation.  She will struggle with healthy emotions, unhealthy thoughts, and feelings she doesn’t understand.

And I’m not saying she’ll never be unreasonable, self-centered, or difficult again.  Because the good Lord knows moms still struggle with that, too.

The difference is that -when- those tough moments happen, she will begin to learn, that no matter what, God is there, ready with His best perspective, loving heart, and deeply-invested interest in her.  He’s her peace, sanctuary, and security (Philippians 4:6-7).  But what does God desire in return?

He wants to be her answer…

…not Mom, Dad, friends, boys, food, success, money, etc.  When she’s weeping, He doesn’t want to be her last resort, but her first choice.  When she’s frustrated, He doesn’t want to be one option, but THE option.  He wants to be her deliverer (Psalm 34:17-19) .  Mom, God doesn’t want to compete with you (or anything else) for 1st place in your daughter’s tender heart.  He wants her initial response in these moments of heartache or confusion to be “I need to go be with God.  Where’s my Bible?” And we can have the privilege of leading her to Him!

I know our hearts break a little when we can’t do anything, don’t they?  And although you always want to be her strong support, you can guarantee God will give her opportunities to lean solely on Him.  Maybe she’s angry at a parenting judgment call you made and won’t speak to you.  Or maybe she’s confused about a relationship and wants to process it alone.  Perhaps she has to put someone’s needs above her own and is struggling with that.  Mom, in those moments, pour out your wisdom, but point -always- to God’s Word.  That’s part of our job as an imperfect mom, pointing to the One who is higher than us.  In a beautiful way, when you realize you can’t be what she needs, that is -exactly- what she needs.

So what can you do?

Start with one of these two things:

1. Download this FREE printable 18 Verses When Your Daughter Needs Them Most, give it to her, and begin the conversation about turning to God when times are tough.
2. Come up with your own, personalized list, specifically tailored to your daughter and her struggles.  Chances are, you know your daughter like no other adult does and the verses you pick will address her struggles in this season.

I didn’t finish my story!

So, when I asked my daughter about the list later, she only shared which two verses she looked up.  That’s. It.  She didn’t share anything else.  And you know what?  That’s okay.  She needs moments just between her and her Savior.

Moms, let’s do our best to impart wisdom and be her biggest cheerleader, using God’s Word as our guide ourselves!   But let’s do what’s best by pointing her to the only One who can be everything she needs.

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When I told this story to a friend of mine, she asked which verses I used.  So for you moms out there, I’ve made a printable of the 18 Bible verses I shared with my daughter!  This gorgeous printable is yours FREE to download & print as many times as you want!

Note: I didn’t type the words to the verses, just the references.  I think it is SO important for girls to open their own Bibles and find the verses (with your help if they need it).  That way they can underline/highlight to make their Bibles more personal in their walk with God.

I hope you find this printable valuable.  Please share it and be sure to refer back to this post!  My goal is to reach as many moms with daughters as possible!  Will you help me?

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