by Ammie Silvestri

“Cherish every moment.”

Young moms: ever get some advice from someone who means well?  As in, they think they are being helpful but, as they are speaking, you know that if they truly understood your circumstances they would never say it? It has recently come to my attention that I’ve been on both sides of that equation.

Scripture teaches us to “be quick to hear, slow to speak” (James 1:19).  This summer, I experienced firsthand one reason why God may have said that.

It was two years ago when my daughter was a sophomore in high school that it hit me hard: she’s leaving for college in the not-too-distant future. 

I knew I’d miss her terribly and was appalled at how fast time flies.  So I endeavored to encourage every young mom I met to savor every moment with their precious little one.  After all, those days will be gone before they know it. Then she would be a middle-aged mom like me sobbing in a crumpled heap in the corner because her baby girl was leaving home. (I may be exaggerating about being a crumpled heap, but there was definitely crying.  And I’m for sure middle-aged.  Yikes, when did that happen?!?)

Some Measure of Truth

Now, there is some measure of truth to what I said.  But while I meant to be helpful, I hope you young moms will forgive me for saying it.  Because fast forward two years to this summer.  Now the moment of my daughter’s departure is “two weeks from Thursday”.  I realize that I don’t wish that we could go back to when she was 2 or 6 or 10 or any other age than she is right now.

What I realize now is that the well-meaning encouragement to cherish every moment is always uttered by a mom not in that “now”.  As a former young mom, I can recall feeling guilty about not savoring all those moments simply because I didn’t feel like they were all that precious at the time.

And now I see that guilt was misplaced. Psalm 139:3 reminds me that God is “acquainted with all my ways”.  He already knew every moment I would take for granted and every mistake I would make with my daughter before she was even born – and He entrusted her to me anyway. And while there are for sure some things my daughter will say I missed the mark on, she’s never once named “failing to cherish every moment” as one of them!

Here’s the truth.

Wishing I had treasured those earlier days limits my capacity to revel where my daughter is today, where she’s going next.  And if I am honest? I love the little girl she was and adore the young woman she has become.  Notice I said “and”, not “but”.  That’s because, ultimately, letting go of one stage isn’t merely a loss of what’s passed.  It’s also an opportunity to embrace the present and what’s next.

For some of you, a toddler going to pre-school or a pre-schooler going to kindergarten is what’s next.  On the bus. That you are not driving.  Perhaps for the entire day. And it seems like life as you knew it is over.  But that’s not what God says.  God has plans for us and our daughters – plans “to give you a future and a hope.” (Jer.29:11)

So can I try it again, young moms?

If I am allowed to re-word what I originally said and if a young mom would permit me to speak it, here’s what I want to say:

There is beauty and baggage in every stage of life.  You might miss the tiny baby staring adoringly at you as if you are her entire world; and by God’s grace, in that moment, you are. 

 In the same way, you might miss the girl who can’t wait to bust through the door and talk non-stop to you about her day at school.

 And you might not cherish every moment being woken up every two hours by a crying baby or changing dirty diapers or going to every PTA meeting/sporting event/band concert/dance recital/open house or enforcing curfews. 

 Even the most mundane, every day, menial task in caring for a child can be an act of worship and is important.  But it’s wrong for me to imply that all of the menial tasks will be missed when that child grows up.  You will know which moments you cherish, and it is okay if it’s not every single one of them.

Rather than encouraging busy, overwhelmed, and exhausted young moms to “cherish every moment because you’re going to miss them and want them back”…

I think instead, I’d pray:

Lord God, you have given each of these young moms a high and holy calling. We praise you for that.  At the same time we recognize that it is hard work. Would you give each mom here an extra measure of strength and patience and grace?  Give each of them a hunger to be in your Word daily and to abide in your presence.  We know that apart from you we can do nothing.  But in Christ we can do everything that you call us to do. 

Raise up godly women to support and encourage these young moms.  Give them rest when they need it and endurance when circumstances demand it.  Show them which moments are to be treasured because they are inherently wonderful.  We know the moments are valuable simply because they are opportunities to depend on you, God. Be glorified in them all. In Jesus’ mighty name, Amen.

 

Ammie Silvestri is a profoundly ordinary wife and mom.  She loves counseling and encouraging women in their walk with our profoundly awesome God through the study and teaching of His Word.