“I’m not bitter. YOU’RE bitter!” Moms, battling bitterness is not easy, especially when you’re feeling unappreciated, under-valued, and dismissed.

Top that with the daily grind, mounting expectations, and the tragedies heaped up in the fallen world. It’s the perfect environment for nurturing a bitter, resentful, and merciless heart.

I’ve been there. Chances are that you have, too.

Bitterness: A sneaky toxicity

It’s a sneaky toxicity that flows too easily into marriage, parenting, friendships, everything. It taints our thoughts, spills out in our words, and inhibits our joy.

I told God all about it this morning…how the expectations felt suffocating, how weary I was of failing, and how I expected grace from those I love, not annoyed disappointment. All genuine feelings.

But him and I both knew that bitterness was taking root, growing. And I cried. Until the Holy Spirit reminded me:

“But the Gospel”

Ok, yeah, I’m not experiencing the gospel right now. I’m not receiving grace. Isn’t that what Christians are supposed to give me when I mess up? God, I needed grace and didn’t get it. I admit it. I’m feeling bitter.

And as I cried more, the Holy Spirit reminded my heart: “You messed up. But the Gospel isn’t just for you in this moment. It’s also for people who are failing to extend the Gospel to you right now. Can you extend the Gospel that you want for yourself…to them?”

Then the truth of the Gospel and the clarity from the Holy Spirit hit me. And I began to journal some hard questions for a bitter mom like myself… maybe for you, too.

Hard questions for a bitter mom

What if we, as believers, started -expecting- one another to fail time and again? What if the Gospel was so ingrained in our hearts that we expected others to -not- be Jesus 24/7? Even among mature believers? Even among those we trust the most in our lowest moments?

How would we respond differently to others, knowing & remembering that we ourselves are fallible, forgetful, and fail, even with our very best efforts?

Could remembering that we can never fully “hit the mark” before a holy God change how we see and what we expect from believers and unbelievers alike?

And when we see someone -always- miss the mark, might we recall our true condition apart from Christ? How because we could never, ever hit the mark, God had to send his Son Jesus to do it on our behalf?

With this understanding, shouldn’t our demeanor at the hearing of someone’s failure be one of sweet understanding instead of just sour criticism?

Might we find ourselves shaking our bitter heads less and saying instead, “I’ve been there. I’ve forgotten commitments. I’ve said stupid stuff. I’ve done dumb things. I’ve been selfish and self-righteous and wrong. I’ve not been Jesus when someone needed it the most.”

And might I expect others to fail to extend grace to ME sometimes…to break sometimes, to sin against me sometimes, to let me down sometimes?

Will I give grace even when I’m not receiving it? Will I extend what’s life-giving? Or will my life be one of bitterness, condemnation, and endless disappointment in those who can never be Jesus in every (or any) moment?

We have a choice about being bitter, moms.

What’s true is this: we have a choice. Moms, let’s be fountains flowing with the sweet waters of gracious truth rather than the bitter waters of merciless contempt.

When we start to feel that bitterness welling up from being unappreciated or under-valued or misunderstood, may we see it as a signal to remember “But the Gospel”. May we remember it not just for us, but for others, too.

Thank you, God, for showing me that the Gospel isn’t only for ME in the moment I fail…it’s also for others who fail to apply the Gospel to MY failures when I need it most.

It’s for ALL us failures, forgetters, and fallibles.

Thank you for teaching me in my sadness, working all things for the good of those who love you. And help me to live the grace of the Gospel for my daughter and everyone to see, in both my successes and failures. As well as in theirs.

What have been your struggles with bitterness? What truths from God’s Word have help you overcome those feelings? Comment below!

Need a place to write down YOUR prayers and thoughts and feelings to God? Check out one of four options of the Made Matchless Planner & Prayer Journal for Women here.