The idea of bra shopping with your tween can be intimidating. When do I know she’s ready? How do I bring it up? How can I make my daughter feel comfortable and find one that’s right for her?

As a tween, I was always, ALWAYS embarrassed about body-related talks or milestones, including bra shopping (my poor mom!). So as a mom of a tween, I was determined to make sure my daughter felt comfortable in finding the right bra for her.

Now that I’ve been through this process and have come out the other side unscathed (praise God!), I thought I’d share 6 tips I have for bra shopping with your tween.

Tip #1: Start talking about bras BEFORE she needs one.

My husband and I have discussed sex with our kids from a very young age and ongoing as the years have passed. That way, they (hopefully) never feel like sex, puberty, and body changes are taboo topics, but a gift from God. Our school of thought is WE want to be the first ones to tell them. We believe the sooner, the more conversational and matter-of-fact, the better.

That said, the topic of bras is no different (although that conversation is, naturally, coming from me, not my husband). Start talking with your tween about bras BEFORE she needs one (before breast buds appear). Include it in your conversations about body changes and puberty. Use the proper terminology and explain a bra’s purpose. Answer her questions clearly and thoughtfully. You’ll be preparing her mind for when you are ready to go shopping. Speaking of that…

Tip #2: Take her bra shopping BEFORE she needs one.

Some parents will disagree with me on this. But I think your daughter wearing a training bra before she needs one makes for a smoother transition. What do you think is an easier, more comfortable conversation to have with your daughter:

“Sally, I noticed your body is developing and you need a bra. What do you think about going shopping for one?” (daughter looks down at chest) *cringe*

OR

“Sally, one day you’ll notice your body is developing and you’re going to be in need of a bra. How about we go shopping for one so when that day comes, you already have it?”

Do you see how the first question is reactive instead of proactive? Do you see that the first question is likely to make your tween wonder how many people have noticed she needed a bra?

Do you notice how the second will allow her to have one already waiting for the right time? Do you see how this tip will get her used to wearing a bra so that there’s no awkward-to-her transition phase out of the bra-less world? Trust me on this one.

(By the way, she might decline going at first. That’s o.k. Just ask her why and then ask again in a week or two. Eventually, you might need to just tell her you’re going together. That’s fine to do, as well.)

Tip #3: Discuss the options.

When I took my daughter to the department store, she had just turned 11. We grabbed a store shopping tote (for concealment) and bee-lined for the girl’s bras. At that point, I had never really looked at what they offer girls these days. It was a great opportunity to discuss what’s needed and not needed in a good bra for her age.

We talked about no padding, lightly-padded, and heavily-padded (yes, they offer heavy padding for girls!). We looked at sport bra styles that look appropriate with tank tops as well as traditional styles. We talked about the benefits of neutral-colored ones and when you can wear colorful ones. With my feedback, she narrowed down ones that looked comfortable for her and would be appropriate with various outfits.

(PADDING: In case you’re wondering, I see nothing wrong with “lightly padded” if it means my daughter will feel more comfortable in her clothing. The lightly padded bras don’t really add bust and bulk. They really just offer a thicker, concealing layer than what typical training bras have. Plus, the padding is usually removable.)

Tip #4: Let her pick.

Ultimately, after giving her privacy to try them on, I let my daughter pick out three to start. Giving your daughter plenty of options in your price range gives her a feeling of control in this milestone choice. For sure offer helpful feedback, but be gentle. This is an important choice for her.

Tip #5: Give her a hug (or a slushie).

I was pretty proud after we successfully bra shopped together. She hadn’t been embarrassed and picked three that were just right for her. Knowing my daughter, she doesn’t like me to make a “big deal” about something like this so giving her a hug and moving on from the bra-shopping event was perfect for her.

But if your daughter appreciates the extra affirmation, take her for ice cream or a slushie. You could even consider doing that any other time you go bra shopping in the future. Why not, right?

Tip #6: Continue the conversation.

Every once in awhile, as we’re folding laundry, I check in with my daughter to see if her bras are still working for her. This allows the conversation to stay open and also allows me to pick the same kind up for her if I see them on sale somewhere. I stay updated on what features she likes and doesn’t like and it’s just one more way for us to stay connected versus growing apart.

I’m confident that, if you follow these simple tips, while considering your particular matchless tween, that your daughter will feel supported in more ways than one. 😉

Do you have any other bra-shopping with your tween tips? Comment below!