God, I want to give up.

God, you are doing a lot in me and through me but I’ll be honest.

It feels like too much.  The work you’re doing through circumstances, relationships, and my spiritual walk feels so overwhelming.

I didn’t realize that when I told you I wanted to be used by you that it would look like this.

It’d be so easy to give up.

It’d be so easy to just leave it all behind.  How easy it’d be easy to take the safe, superficial way, the way of middle class, comfortable Christianity…where what matters is how clean my kitchen is or where to vacation this spring break.  Where what matters is the pretty photos of my family on Facebook.

God, forgive me for those thoughts, but I want that so bad some days!

I wish I didn’t retreat back to the lie I thought I abandoned so long ago… that you’re uncaring, hard-nosed, and pressing me under your thumb “for my own good”.   That it’s my lot in life to struggle.  Forgive me!

There are days I want to do nothing and see if anybody’s noticed…to see if you’ve noticed.

There are days that all I can do–against all the evidence presented in front of me–is cling to Psalm 27:13-14:

“I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!  Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!”

And it’s only by your Spirit that I can recall that verse in those moments because the rest of me says, “Drop it all.  Give up.”

God, I want to wrap up my cry to you in a neat little bow.

I want to offer my prayer like a good little Christian woman’s prayer “should be”.  I want my prayer to come full circle and end with a sigh of relief.  But cries to you don’t always end as a healing balm for my soul.

Some days–like today–they feel like just a desperate surrender that feels worn.  It’s still surrender, but just barely, with my head on the counter.  It’s still obedience, but obedience in brokenness and a too-keen awareness of how limited I am, wanting to FEEL what you say to be true.

I didn’t realize when I labeled Ephesians 3:20-21 as my “life verse”, that you’d actually take me up on that.

“Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations forever and ever, amen.”

Giving you “permission” to do “far more abundantly” than all that I could ask or think for your glory is exposing how limited I really am.  I feel fenced in by my limitations. And I am wrecked by it.

I know in my head that in the midst of the overwhelming sense of limitations, that you’re settling me into that place of surrender…that place where you can show me how limitless you are.  I know that.

That place where, as I realize how bound I am by space, time, emotional bandwidth, and expectations,  that you are unbound.  That you have nothing to hold you back from everything you plan to accomplish in me and through me and in your world.  I know that, too.

But it’s hard.  I KNOW it but it feels impossible to FEEL it.

So God, although in this moment, I’m proving my limitations again by this honest, difficult prayer, I ask you to do what you say you’ll do.

Be merciful and show me that following you with all I am and taking each step of faith each day is worth it.  Worth every tear and step and conversation and sacrifice and prayer.

Not “worth it” in a worldly sense, but “worth it” to experience you deeper than I ever have.  To blow my mind with your limitless, boundless love, power, and grace.  To see you do “your thing” in an instant as the rest of the world rushes on without you.  I know in my spirit that’s what I truly long for, but my flesh is fighting tooth and nail and I’m weak.

Have mercy on me and any sisters & brothers in Christ who long to experience your answer to Ephesians 3:20-21 for themselves, even when it’s wrought with struggle and weak moments in the flesh.  Open our eyes to supernatural gratitude that leads us to praise in the midst of hardship.  We believe you’ll do it!  Fill our spirits with the hope we long for when we can’t see beyond today.  We believe–help our unbelief!

You are God.

Through our limits, I believe you’ll prove again and again that you are limitless.  In your limitless power, we won’t give up.  In Jesus’ name, Amen.

 

 

Just do a quick Google search for “Bible verses about planning”.

You’ll feel pretty dandy with the results if you’re the planning type…

“Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.” -Proverbs 16:3

“Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.” -Proverbs 15:22

“May he grant you your heart’s desire and fulfill all your plans!” – Psalm 20:4

(Hmm…that last one sounds especially good to me.)

I love planning because I feel in-control.

It gives me direction and allows me to envision the goal as I work around factors and variables.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not an amazing planner.  You won’t find me organizing road trips months in advance or even lesson-planning past next week.  But feeling like I’m moving towards something brings comfort, security.

But that’s not all God’s Words says about plans.

Planner-people, I know you’d rather scroll on by these verses in the Google search:

“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” -Proverbs 16:9 (But I’M establishing my steps, God!)

“Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust.  Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.”  -Psalm 15:22 (Shouldn’t I tell YOU the way I’m going?)

“Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” -Proverbs 19:21 (Hey, but I spent a lot of time on those plans!  They were going so well…)

When God thwarts our plans, things fall apart if we’re living in our flesh.

We tweak, shift things around, commit to more, manipulate, try harder, buckle down, rush, rack our brains and fall to pieces.

We can also feel tense, annoyed, angry, hopeless, stressed, anxious, and disappointed.  These visceral emotions surge through us, fueling our desire to control the unknown.

My family is in the midst of a season of thwarted plans…

We had plans to move forward, to create, to claim victory and see God move.  But instead we are in what I like to call a “holding pattern”, waiting for permission to land.  We’re in the plane, ready to come down, but the control tower says “no”.

We’re in a season of the unexpected coming at us with no warning, forcing us to put important things on pause…things that would please God, help others, and put us in a better place.  Things that are good and create momentum.  Yet here we are…waiting.

This was not in our plan.

But it’s in God’s plan.

Whether you’re currently in a situation like ours or not, we’ve all experienced God “thwarting” our wonderful plans…

Plans for a career and family.  Plans for a home, a certain future.  Plans for met expectations and children to follow our path.  Plans for children to remain healthy and safe.  Plans for security, happiness, and to be treated fairly.  Plans for justice to prevail and others to see it “our way”.  Plans for a peaceful night’s rest with a successful day behind us.  Plans to really make an impact.

The truth is, we’re blindsided when God’s plans aren’t ours.

That’s where I found myself as our family’s struggle went from a week, to weeks, to months.  And, in the flesh, my response was to rearrange, keep my goals set, maneuver around it all, do more, try harder. I found myself battling emotions and asking God,

“Can I trust you?  Do you really love me?” 

Because ultimately, in the flesh, that’s what we’re calling into question:  God’s trustworthiness and love.

Friends, there are two truths we must believe when God thwarts our plans and the future is uncertain:

Truth #1:   You are chosen.

I believe Ephesians 1 is the most beautiful Scripture about our position as God’s children.  Words like “adopted”, “chosen”, “predestined” and “inheritance” paint a reassuring picture of who we are in Christ.

CHOSEN.  Has it seeped into your soul that God chose you, not because of anything good in you, but “before the foundation of the world” out of his good pleasure, for his glory?

If you can believe THAT, then you can also believe THIS:  GOD IS TRUSTWORTHY in “thwarting” your plans.

God would not choose you as his child to let you do all you want with no plans of his own!  After all, God’s plan is to invite you into his bigger, better plan.  His plan is to do “far more abundantly than all that we ask or think”.

That may look nothing like you expect and disappointment or even grief might be your first response.  But the more you choose to trust, remembering you are CHOSEN, you’ll find that when plans are thwarted, your heart and mind can (and will) eventually settle.  You can rest knowing he is trustworthy and has his chosen child’s interest (and his own glory) at heart.

Truth #2:  You are loved.

Cartoon villains always thwart the hero’s noble plans.  We’ve been conditioned to assume WE are the hero of our own story. And when God thwarts our objectives, HE becomes the villain keeping us from saving the world.

But GOD is the hero, not us.  His love for us is so deep that he became our hero in human flesh .  He died on a cross, taking our sin and shame on himself so we could be redeemed and saved.  That was his objective from the very beginning.  And none of our clever goals will thwart his sometimes-hard, sometimes-painful, but LOVING plans for us.

Do you realize he LOVES you?  Do you see that not only his perfect plan of salvation was out of love but ALSO his perfect plans to sanctify, teach, and use you?  So that when you read ALL the verses listed above, you begin to see that they aren’t contradictory. They are, in fact, beautifully complementary for believers in Christ, as our agendas align with his.

I’m unsure what God has for my family tomorrow.

I have days I both cry and rejoice.  We have little victories and moments our flesh says, “give up”.  And, somehow, I’ll still write out my plan and goals to use the time God has given me wisely.

But believing I’m chosen and loved will keep me steady, no matter how many of those plans get “thwarted” by my loving, trustworthy Creator.

Trust him.  He loves you.  Don’t just think it.  LIVE IT as you surrender your plans–both big and small, spoken and unspoken–before him, knowing his are infinitely better.

How has believing you are chosen and loved helped when you face the unknown? Comment below!

Also, stay tuned for my next Planner & Prayer Journal for Women on God’s love for you, based on Ephesians 1!