In our age of instant information, gratification, and action, moms of daughters face a particularly challenging problem: raising wise, discerning girls.

Most of us know what it means to have wisdom.

Wisdom doesn’t “download” information so it can sit in a file. Wisdom connects information with life. It sees deeper lessons beneath the surface. While knowledge is free for the taking and plentiful, wisdom is searched for like a treasure (Proverbs 2:1-5). Wisdom is a precious commodity many claim to want but few are willing to seek.

Then, what’s discernment?

Discernment is simply wisdom in action. It’s applying solid judgment. Discernment is selective and tasteful in what it says, does, thinks, and embraces because it makes choices through the lens of wisdom. It carefully distinguishes between good and evil. Many times it is slower, but always deliberate and intentional.

Wisdom and Discernment: Counter-cultural

Both wisdom and discernment are counter-cultural in our read-now-hear-now-share-now culture, our forget-the-consequences, hope-for-the-best environment. It’s because wisdom and discernment are motivated by and connected to love. As a woman, I feel the strong, rushing current against exercising my own wisdom and discernment on a frequent basis.

So we can only imagine how hard it is for our girls growing up and being shaped by this culture. I heard recently that “the enemy doesn’t take a vacation” and he certainly isn’t taking one with this promising generation! You know what the enemy hates? Moms who raise daughters to seek wisdom and live it out through discernment. He wants foolish, rash, rushing girls (and our culture is full of them).

So moms, we have two choices:

(1) Go with the flow and hope for the best OR

(2) take action in raising wise, discerning girls who can make a supernatural impact for God’s kingdom and present themselves as beacons of light. I’m assuming, because you’re reading this article, you choose #2!

So here are 7 tips for raising wise, discerning daughters in our culture.

Tip #1: Pray for/Seek wisdom and discernment for yourself.

I’ve prayed this countless times over parenting, marriage, theology, friendships, and many situations beyond my current understanding. And I have NEVER seen God fail to provide the wisdom and discernment I need to make a confident decision. I experience wisdom as I read what his Word says and I experience discernment at moments of personal reflection.

Look at what James 1:5-8 says:

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. ⁶ But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. ⁷ For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; ⁸ he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

If you want a daughter that is wise and discerning, instead of “driven and tossed by the wind”, you must be a woman of same suit. Foolish, heart-driven, rash moms raise girls who mirror it and sadly, face a turbulent, unsettled life.

Tip #2: Don’t rescue your daughter from everything.

Even when I’ve received discernment from the Lord, I’ve chosen foolishness. It’s that pesky thing called “the flesh” (augh!). “Why did I do that?” I groan. God could have rescued me from my foolish mistake, but he knew that, through the consequences, I’d learn to be wiser and more discerning in the future.

Your daughter needs to learn from her mistakes, too. She will grow in wisdom and discernment by trying her own way, failing, and eventually seeing the truth in God’s Word. But if you rescue her from everything, she’ll never experience the fallout of stepping away from God’s guidance. Hebrews 12:5-11 tells us about the holy discipline God gives his children. So although there should be moments of grace, remember: hard but beautiful lessons are learned on God’s path to discernment.

Tip #3: Create a home that allows her to slow down and consider.

Gaining wisdom, as shared in Proverbs 2:1-5, is seeking a treasure and treasures aren’t found quickly. Wisdom and discernment take time, careful consideration, and prayer. Is your home environment rushed, schedule-packed, and urgent? If so, it’s time to create some space to breathe and think in your home.

If your home doesn’t leave “space” for this, you are nurturing a hurried spirit in your daughter who never learns the value of stopping to search wisdom and apply it. Her life will be filled with rushed decisions with unintended consequences.

So many women today say, “I wish I had time to spend with God.” Friends, we can’t afford to NOT spend time with him! So part of how you can create this environment is by slowing down yourself and digging into God’s Word for wisdom. Show her what that looks like. Remove activities from your calendar, leave time to search and space to consider.

Tip #4: Be first-reponders, not a first-reactors.

My kids and I regularly talk about being first-responders vs. first-reactors.

First-responders are the heroic people in our communities that respond to emergencies (firefighters, EMT’s, etc). These people are trained to respond to chaos and threat in the best possible ways. Consider what they do when a call comes through: they stop what they’re doing. They listen carefully. They gather the information they need. Finally, they RESPOND by taking action with one goal in mind: serving. It takes time to respond. It takes intentionality and care and listening. It considers others (Philippians 2:3-4).

Everything a first-reactor does is the opposite. A first-reactor would just jump into the firetruck and go, driving who-knows-where. The actions of the first-reactor are quick, thoughtless, and selfish. If you want a daughter who is wise and discerning, encourage her to be a first-responder (and practice it yourself!).

Tip #5: Have open conversations about choices your family is making.

Previous generations kept family decisions fairly private from the children, but if we want our daughters to be discerning and wise, it’s time we have more open family conversations.

Our daughter has become incredibly discerning about spending money as we’ve been open about financial struggles. As you process tough family issues, consider including your daughter in some of the discussions of decisions you face. Share with her what you’ve researched in God’s Word about it and why it’s hard for you. Give her a sneak peek into what God is working out in your heart. It’s a careful step we must take, as to not emotionally overly-burden our girls, so ask for discernment on this one! 😉

Tip #6: Foster a home that graciously understands multiple sides of an issue, while maintaining truth.

Its en vogue to talk about “gray areas” of Christianity, as if God is not super clear. Make no mistake: what God wants clear, he makes abundantly clear. Where there’s room for grace, he gives it.

This tip has a few facets. (1) “GRACIOUSLY…” means we don’t approach issues with pride, but only by the grace of God. We don’t look down on others, but humble ourselves. (2) “…UNDERSTANDS MULTIPLE SIDES” means we are aware that someone else may have a reason for believing as they do, even if their belief is wrong or wrongly-placed. (3) “…WHILE MAINTAINING TRUTH” simply means that at some point, the truth is settled in God’s Word, not in our feelings of what “should” be true.

To raise a girl who is wise and discerning, create a home that humbly considers others. At the very least, she’ll feel safe enough to have a reasonable discussion with YOU when she’s grappling with the solid foundation of God’s truths.

Tip #7: Read God’s Word with and pray with your daughter.

Ultimately, wisdom is mined and discernment is practiced over time. And let’s face it: we NEED God in it all. So this last tip is simple: get into God’s Word WITH your daughter. Consider going through the book of Proverbs. There are 31 chapters so you can read one chapter every night together for a month. Each night, ask her which verse stood out for her life right now.

Then have a short conversation and pray about it. Pray for you both to apply the verse. Pray for God to give you opportunities to practice discernment. Pray for hearts that seek his wisdom like a treasure. (By the way, in case you scrolled by it, I included a free printable to help you and your daughter read Proverbs together! Click here or on the image above to download and print it.)

Each of these tips I’m practicing with my own 11-year-old daughter. I believe a girl can never be too young to pour into when it comes to wisdom and discernment.

Begin today, even with just one tip of fostering it in yourself. And let’s build a new generation of wise, discerning girls that bring honor to their Heavenly Father.

WHICH OF THESE TIPS WILL YOU BEGIN WITH YOURSELF/YOUR GIRL? COMMENT BELOW!

With the new year here, a lot of us are inspired to begin something new, to set goals, and to make changes. One way that you and your daughter can do that is by setting God-glorifying goals together!

Setting God-Glorifying Goals

As believers, goals should never be about our glory and fame, but the glory and fame of God. So as you’re setting your goal, and even leading up to it, a daughter and mom must both ask yourselves: why am I setting this goal? Really, is the GOAL of my goal to glorify God? If the answer is YES, then it’s time to set it!

A popular format for setting goals is to use the acroynm S.M.A.R.T. SMART goals originated from the November 1981 issue of Management Review by George Doran and the concept has been used again and again.

S.M.A.R.T. goals are…

• Specific
• Measurable
• Achievable
• Relevant
• Time-bound

So as you and your daughter set goals together, you too will need to ask yourself these questions:

#1 Is my goal specific? In other words, is my goal something I can take specific action on? (Example: I want to read…)

#2 Is my goal measurable? In other words, is my goal something that allows me to see I’m making progress, such as with numbers or measurement? (Example: …25 books)

#3 Is my goal achievable? In other words, is my goal possible for me to do, given my life circumstances and commitments?

#4 Is my goal relevant? In other words is my goal something that will be meaningful and important to me? (Example: …so I can expand my learning of other’s experiences…)

#5 Is my goal time-bound? In other words, is my goal set to be achieved by a certain day? (Example:...by the end of 2019.)

Motive: God-glorifying or self-glorifying?

Maybe your daughter wants to improve on a math skill. First, ask her to think how improving her math skill could bring glory to God. That may sound like a stretch, but when we consider all the motives she may have for improving this skill, it’s not a stretch at all! Her motive may be so she can be the best in the class. Her motive may be so she can beat her friend on timed drills. Do you see how that can open up a great conversation between you two about this verse:

“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men…” Colossians 3:23

So as you and your daughter sit down to write these, take a bit of time to discuss this important aspect of setting goals that’s always missing from the world’s goals. As a mom, you’re not only setting your daughter up for approaching life, but reminding yourself as well!

(Psst! By the way, I have two fantastic resources that have to do with setting goals supplementing this article! The first is the Made Matchless Planner & Prayer Journal for Girls and the second is the Made Matchless Planner & Prayer Journal for Women, “Glorifying God”.)

Some tips as you set your goals

As a mom, business-owner, wife, and homeschool teacher, I think about goals often and I’ve battled what it looks like to set goals that also leave room for God to do as he wishes. So here are a few additional tips from this busy mom:

• Write down your goals using this free printable for setting S.M.A.R.T goals! It has a sheet for you, for your daughter, and a place for writing down how you can glorify God in your goals.
• Don’t forget that NOT meeting a goal is not necessarily an indication of failure. And meeting a goal is not necessarily an indication of success. The ultimate goal is God’s glory and that will look drastically different from person to person, from mom to daughter.
• Pray regularly over your own goals. Re-evaluate them. Keep considering what God has allowed into your life for this season and whether he may be up to something different.
• Pray with your daughter over her goals, once a week. As she works, remind her that God’s cares about her and her goals, but that ultimately, his goals matter most.
• Ask yourselves how you think you’ll feel when you’ve reached your goal. Picturing that can be very motivating!
• Don’t forget to acknowledge the progress. It’s not all about the finish line but also the little milestones along the way.
• If it’s appropriate to do so, consider rewarding yourselves when you’ve reached your goals. Do something special together as a celebration.

Did I miss any other tips? I’d love to hear tips from YOU on goal-setting with your daughter! Be sure to comment below! Also, please enjoy this free printable download of “Setting God-Glorifying Goals with Your Daughter”! Share it with the moms of daughters in your life.

It’s tough raising girls in this challenging and confusing culture. And honestly, it’s tough being a woman and mom in this culture, too! Even in the body of Christ, it can be hard to embrace who God made us to be and to understand how we can thrive when we’re bombarded with the world’s messages.

On January 12, 2019, the Made Matchless Experience came to Immanuel Lutheran Church in Batavia, Illinois. It was a fun, spirit-filled day for moms and daughters to learn about who they are in Jesus Christ together! It was a time to fight what the world says with a different set of messages.

This was the second Made Matchless Experience to come to a church. The first one was at Immanuel Lutheran Church in Seymour, Indiana. And with the number of moms looking for technology-free, intentional, meaningful opportunities to connect with their daughters, more churches are reaching out to participate!

The Made Matchless Experience is an event geared towards moms and their daughters grades 2-5. The day is a combination of short teaching sessions with hands-on activities, a mother-daughter craft, short games, and discussion. The moms and girls learn 9 “I am” Statements that every girl and woman needs to know, in hopes of creating more confident girls and women. They even get journaling sheets to take home and use.

You may ask, “But how is teaching a girl or woman to become confident any different than what the world is trying to do?” Great question! I actually get that question a lot.

The Made Matchless Experience isn’t about “girl power” or becoming a “super mom”. The difference in the approach is that all statements we discuss point back to Jesus Christ and what the Bible says. The moms and daughters learn that embracing who God made you to be is not for our own purposes and glory, but for his. They learn that we are all made uniquely (made matchless) so that we can make a supernatural impact in our culture for Jesus Christ.

That’s NOT a message you’ll hear from the world.

Check out some of the comments received from attendees of the Made Matchless experience:

“Spiritually engaging!  I could not wait to get home and tell my other daughters!” ~Megan K.

“This is a fun experience that will equip you to further teach your daughter” ~Lindsey M.

“Go!  Without hesitation!”  ~Karen H.

“It was a great time spent with my daughter and gave a great opportunity for a deeper focus with her. It was fun.” ~Lauren S.

“The experience is a must for all girls/moms to hear and learn about how much the Lord loves us and who we are in him.” ~Amber C.

“It was time well-spent learning about how God views me and my daughters. You won’t regret spending time in God’s Word with your daughter.” ~Liz O.

“It was such a blessing to grow and learn together today. I feel like we both learned more about one another and grew in God’s grace.” ~Susan M.

Do you want to have that sense, too?…that you can DO something to help your daughter and equip yourself to face this world?

Let’s be intentional.

Let’s raise girls who are ready to face our challenging culture with who God made them to be. Let’s BE women who are confident in Christ. Let’s be made matchless together.

If you’d like to receive more information about the Made Matchless Experience and how we could share the truth of who God made us to be with the moms and girls in your church & community, click here to email me (Leah Tatina) directly. Or go right to the events page by clicking here.