The idea of bra shopping with your tween can be intimidating. When do I know she’s ready? How do I bring it up? How can I make my daughter feel comfortable and find one that’s right for her?

As a tween, I was always, ALWAYS embarrassed about body-related talks or milestones, including bra shopping (my poor mom!). So as a mom of a tween, I was determined to make sure my daughter felt comfortable in finding the right bra for her.

Now that I’ve been through this process and have come out the other side unscathed (praise God!), I thought I’d share 6 tips I have for bra shopping with your tween.

Tip #1: Start talking about bras BEFORE she needs one.

My husband and I have discussed sex with our kids from a very young age and ongoing as the years have passed. That way, they (hopefully) never feel like sex, puberty, and body changes are taboo topics, but a gift from God. Our school of thought is WE want to be the first ones to tell them. We believe the sooner, the more conversational and matter-of-fact, the better.

That said, the topic of bras is no different (although that conversation is, naturally, coming from me, not my husband). Start talking with your tween about bras BEFORE she needs one (before breast buds appear). Include it in your conversations about body changes and puberty. Use the proper terminology and explain a bra’s purpose. Answer her questions clearly and thoughtfully. You’ll be preparing her mind for when you are ready to go shopping. Speaking of that…

Tip #2: Take her bra shopping BEFORE she needs one.

Some parents will disagree with me on this. But I think your daughter wearing a training bra before she needs one makes for a smoother transition. What do you think is an easier, more comfortable conversation to have with your daughter:

“Sally, I noticed your body is developing and you need a bra. What do you think about going shopping for one?” (daughter looks down at chest) *cringe*

OR

“Sally, one day you’ll notice your body is developing and you’re going to be in need of a bra. How about we go shopping for one so when that day comes, you already have it?”

Do you see how the first question is reactive instead of proactive? Do you see that the first question is likely to make your tween wonder how many people have noticed she needed a bra?

Do you notice how the second will allow her to have one already waiting for the right time? Do you see how this tip will get her used to wearing a bra so that there’s no awkward-to-her transition phase out of the bra-less world? Trust me on this one.

(By the way, she might decline going at first. That’s o.k. Just ask her why and then ask again in a week or two. Eventually, you might need to just tell her you’re going together. That’s fine to do, as well.)

Tip #3: Discuss the options.

When I took my daughter to the department store, she had just turned 11. We grabbed a store shopping tote (for concealment) and bee-lined for the girl’s bras. At that point, I had never really looked at what they offer girls these days. It was a great opportunity to discuss what’s needed and not needed in a good bra for her age.

We talked about no padding, lightly-padded, and heavily-padded (yes, they offer heavy padding for girls!). We looked at sport bra styles that look appropriate with tank tops as well as traditional styles. We talked about the benefits of neutral-colored ones and when you can wear colorful ones. With my feedback, she narrowed down ones that looked comfortable for her and would be appropriate with various outfits.

(PADDING: In case you’re wondering, I see nothing wrong with “lightly padded” if it means my daughter will feel more comfortable in her clothing. The lightly padded bras don’t really add bust and bulk. They really just offer a thicker, concealing layer than what typical training bras have. Plus, the padding is usually removable.)

Tip #4: Let her pick.

Ultimately, after giving her privacy to try them on, I let my daughter pick out three to start. Giving your daughter plenty of options in your price range gives her a feeling of control in this milestone choice. For sure offer helpful feedback, but be gentle. This is an important choice for her.

Tip #5: Give her a hug (or a slushie).

I was pretty proud after we successfully bra shopped together. She hadn’t been embarrassed and picked three that were just right for her. Knowing my daughter, she doesn’t like me to make a “big deal” about something like this so giving her a hug and moving on from the bra-shopping event was perfect for her.

But if your daughter appreciates the extra affirmation, take her for ice cream or a slushie. You could even consider doing that any other time you go bra shopping in the future. Why not, right?

Tip #6: Continue the conversation.

Every once in awhile, as we’re folding laundry, I check in with my daughter to see if her bras are still working for her. This allows the conversation to stay open and also allows me to pick the same kind up for her if I see them on sale somewhere. I stay updated on what features she likes and doesn’t like and it’s just one more way for us to stay connected versus growing apart.

I’m confident that, if you follow these simple tips, while considering your particular matchless tween, that your daughter will feel supported in more ways than one. 😉

Do you have any other bra-shopping with your tween tips? Comment below!

What is the “What If Devo Series”?

If you yell a lot, you’re at the right blog at the right time. Today begins a series of devos called “The What If Devo Series”. Moms ask, “What if…” a LOT in our minds, to families/friends, and to God. This series will address a variety of tough “What if…” questions moms have.

Asking, “What if…” can be a good thing if it leads to healthy habits and relationships and ultimately draws us closer to Christ. Asking, “What if…” with an open heart and open Bible helps us become stronger, confident women and moms who are growing in the Lord.

On the other hand, “What if…” can also lead to anxiety, worry, and frustration when we depend only on ourselves for the answer. You may even know someone who hinges ALL her security on figuring out every “what if” in life, whether they’re her concern or not!

This devo series will guide you to take the first approach, leading to peace, strength, wisdom, and confidence in God.

The Question: What if I yell a lot?

I believe yelling (as in “anger yelling”) is more common among moms–even Christian moms–than we’re willing to admit. And though we may be good at hiding it, those closest to us know the truth.

I’m not sure what your motivation to yell has been, but for me, yelling has always boiled down to these insecurity triggers:

1. I feel unheard (so you need to know how important I am).
2. I feel disrespected (so you need to know how angry I am).
3. I feel unappreciated (so you need to know how hurt I am).
4. I feel out-of-control (so you need to know how powerful I am).

Now, we need to be careful, because even using the word “triggers” can imply that its someone else’s responsibility to ensure we don’t yell. If we take the “without God” approach mentioned earlier, we fall into excuses like “Well, if she had only cleaned her room, I wouldn’t have yelled” or “If they would just stop fighting, I wouldn’t need to yell”.

But can you see that the “without God” approach puts all the pressure and responsibility on others to ensure you’re emotionally secure?

Do you also see that these excuses make us appear to be slaves to our circumstances?

What I’ve come to realize is this: whenever I yell or lose my temper, the problem is NOT “them”. It’s me. The problem is my pride, my sin.

More specifically, the problem is this sinful heart attitude:

I’m entitled to have my way.

“Yup, I’m entitled to get what I want, when I want it, and how I want it. And it’s up to others to maintain my status quo or I’ll yell/throw a tantrum/give the silent treatment/put you on a guilt trip, store up resentment, etc.”

Now, its worth mentioning there are times where anger is righteous. In fact, Jesus exhibited righteous anger in the temple in Matthew 21 and Mark 11. But I think if we’re all honest, RARELY is our anger “righteous”.

The typical kind of mom-anger and yelling would not come from an attitude that gives others a greater sense of God’s holiness. Let’s face it: we’re not “cleansing any temples”.

No, most likely, our anger deeply grieves the heart of God.

This anger points away from grace, forgiveness, lovingkindness, and restoration. It points, instead, towards shame, unforgiveness, condemnation, and despair.

Friend, you know it. I know it. Our yelling, our anger, our entitlement is sin. We are NOT entitled to a carefree life and a family that fits our every desire. And in the moment, when we “go with the flow” of the flesh, just as Proverbs 17:14 says,

The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so quit before the quarrel breaks out.

Proverbs 17:14 ESV

Once we start, it’s so hard to stop, right? I know, I’ve been there too! It’s a wretched place to be. And after “letting out my water”, I’ve found myself lamenting, wondering “what if” my kids would be in therapy someday because of me. (Yes, I’ve really asked THAT “what if”)

No longer a slave

The Bible says that those without Christ are slaves to their sin. And sometimes it feels like, we too, are slaves to our own words.

But as Christ-followers, the good news is that the “What if I yell?” question has an answer that doesn’t have to lead to the anxiety or despair found in godless “what ifs”. The good news is you are no longer a slave and you no longer have to “go with the flow” of your flesh. The Holy Spirit (also called the Helper) can assist you in pursuing self-control. You can’t do it alone, but he can change even the most entitled “yeller”.

Years ago, I remember leaving a voicemail for someone and as soon as I hung up, I yelled at my daughter. As it turns out, I had NOT hung up and had finished the voicemail with a string of reckless words to my five year old. Yeah, I still cringe thinking about it.

Sometimes we feel that, like my voicemail, our yelling and anger is on permanent record with God. We may think that sins we’ve long since repented of can be replayed on God’s messages for our eternal shame.

Friend, you can’t take back your words, your tone, or your body language used in anger. But in spite of the damage to those you love, there is always, ALWAYS grace and forgiveness found in Jesus Christ. When you repent of your sin of anger before God, it is forgiven “as far as the east is from the west”. Overflowing, abundant, LAVISH forgiveness & grace, like the father towards his prodigal son, is yours.

And not only that, but when we seek God’s wisdom in addressing our self-control, he can help turn our “sword thrust” words into words that heal. Such comforting news.

But repentance with those we love is crucial.

Friend, TODAY is the day to humble yourself and ask forgiveness from those you’ve hurt. Don’t wait another moment. Tell them you’re sorry. Share that you’re asking God for help. Tell them it’ll be hard for you, but that you’re seeking self-control through the Holy Spirit. They may be in a place to forgive or they may not, but do your part. Obey God’s call: seek them, repent, and pray for the capable God of the universe to change you.

“What if I yell tomorrow?”

I’ve been there. Don’t give up hope. Repent again. God’s grace is still big enough to accommodate. Then rest knowing what Christ did for your sin, even the ugliest ones, was enough.

But here are a few tips for those who yell:

• Confess to a trusted friend and ask her to check in with you about your attitude/words.
• Ask God to help you identify areas in which you feel entitled.
• If you’re prone to yell at certain people, give them permission to “call you out” when it’s happening.
• Read and meditate on what God’s Word says about words and anger (subscribe to get a FREE PRINTABLE with helpful verses by clicking here).
• Drop every excuse you hold onto for your sin (not just in the area of yelling, but ALL areas).
• Drop the euphemisms for anger and yelling (like “frustration”, “venting”, “being stressed”, or “irritated”). Call it what it is.
• Daily remind yourself that you are NOT a slave to sin.
• Pick up one of my Planner & Prayer Journals for Women to help establish a healthy, thriving prayer life.

Remember: others may be slaves, but you’re not. You’re a victor through Christ. A mom who loves Christ spends her life pursuing genuine repentance, faith, and grace and is in an honored place to be able to live it out before her family, even as a recovering “yeller”. As Charles Spurgeon once said,

“Repentance grows as faith grows. Do not make any mistake about it; repentance is not a thing of days and weeks, a temporary penance to be got over as fast as possible! No; it is the grace of a lifetime, like faith itself. God’s little children repent, and so do the young men and the fathers. Repentance is the inseparable companion of faith.”

― Charles H. Spurgeon, All of Grace

How has the truth of the gospel helped you as a mom who struggles with yelling? What verses have ministered to you? Comment below!

Friend, I’d love for you to vote for Made Matchless to receive a small business grant through FedEx! If chosen, Made Matchless could win up to $50,000 towards bringing more resources, events, and God-sized visions to fruition!

What would Made Matchless do with the grant money?

My hope is to create a robust website that will help the MM Curriculum for Girls reach across the United States. I want so much to see small, powerful communities of girls, led by brave, Christ-following women, pop up across the country, using the MM Curriculum for Girls. (BTW, you can subscribe for updates about the curriculum for girls by clicking here!)

I’d also work to create even more resources for women as well as to begin creating a curriculum for teen girls that is much needed.

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The overarching goal of Made Matchless is to help girls and women thrive, just as God made them, in our challenging and confusing culture. I understand that, as a Christian company, my chances of winning this grant may be slim. But although, from what I’ve read, voting may not determine a winner, it certainly won’t hurt.

How can I help?

Will you help by voting for me? You can vote up to once a day between now and April 1, 2019. I’d appreciate it so much! You can also share the link on social media!

Thank you to my friend, Aldrena, for having the heart to send me the link. It’s all in God’s hands and no matter what, he is so, so good!

You can vote and read more here: https://smallbusinessgrant.fedex.com/home/detail/d0faf007-671b-4c72-8741-2783db4619bf#/gallery/detail/d0faf007-671b-4c72-8741-2783db4619bf