The holidays are a perfect example of how not-in-control we really are.

That loved one can’t attend Christmas this year. Great Grandma’s cookie recipe flopped. 60% of the kids aren’t looking at the camera for extended family photos (and the other 40% are wailing). The foul weather keeps guests from a carefully-timed dinner. A hormonal teen makes for “interesting” family dynamics. A spouse is diagnosed.

This is NOT the Christmas season (or LIFE) you hoped for.

Suddenly, everything is so far out of your control that all joy vanishes.

And in place of joy, you experience disappointment, frustration, and sadness.

Now maybe for some of us, it’s easy to identify and acknowledge those feelings, dealing with them in healthy ways.

But for many of us the fleshly response is more like, “Okay, I’m losing control here. God’s obviously on Christmas Break. It’s time for me to do what I can to regain control of this so Christmas (or life in general) isn’t a colossal failure.”

So we pout, stress, cope by overeating, try and appease everyone, get mad when they’re still not appeased, feed anxious thoughts, say regrettable things, judge, worry, and maybe even manipulate, hoping to scrape together the Christmas we envisioned.

In summary, we grasp for control to avoid feeling disappointed.

And we hope that the result will bring back the joy that’s quickly fleeing our hearts. But it never.ever.does.

Time after time, when we sense losing control, we fall into the same thoughts, attitudes, and actions. And chances are, this isn’t just something that happens at Christmas. It happens anytime life (read GOD) brings you the unexpected with its undesirable outcomes.

Mary knew what it was like to feel out-of-control.

In the first chapter of Luke, we read an amazing story about a young woman named Mary who was thrown a curveball in her otherwise well-planned life.

Mary was a virgin, betrothed to Joseph, an upstanding man in their community. Any reasonable person can conclude that Mary was on a good path with a good plan in place.

Then something very unexpected happens. An angel visits her and tells her that things are about to change. The angel shares that, even though she is a virgin, she will give birth to the Son of God.

Talk about a change of plans! Did Mary scramble and freak out? Did she make lots of calls? Did she bargain with God or go and hide?

Let’s explore THREE WAYS Mary responded when life felt out-of-control so we can take notes from her.

3 Things to Do When Life Feels Out-of-Control: Lessons from Mary.

Lesson 1: When life feels out-of-control, control your thoughts.

Do you know something I love about Mary? Luke 1 says that when God’s messenger appeared, Mary was afraid. Mary was a real person with real feelings. Angels always evoke awe and fear when humans encounter them and Mary is no different.

When you feel control slipping away, chances are you feel fear, too. Maybe it manifests in anger, frustration, or manipulation. But at it’s root is fear of losing control.

But what we can learn from Mary is this: FEAR does not need to control you, your thoughts, or your response. Even in the midst of fear, Mary controlled her thoughts, asking herself ” what sort of greeting this might be”.

Lesson 2: When life feels out-of-control, listen to God’s voice.

Mary could have run away. She could have plugged her ears until the angel left. She could have done many things to gain control of the situation. But we know from scripture that, even in her fear, she listened to God’s voice.

Mary was humble enough to recognize that her life was not her own. She recognized that when God interrupts her plan, there must be a purpose.

As Mary discerned what kind of greeting this was, God knew her heart was ready to receive news from him. So Mary listened carefully as the angel spoke about the new, amazing direction for her life. She heard how she was CHOSEN to be a part of God’s story…something she’d never realize had she not listened.

You, too, can pray in your heart for discernment from God when control seems out of reach. You, too, can ask what God has for you in this moment, in this season, just as Mary did.

You, too, can humble yourself and receive the interruption God has brought into your well-crafted plans. God, help us!

Lesson 3: When life feels out-of-control, respond in faith.

In case it’s been awhile, check out what God shared with Mary and how she responded:

³⁴ And Mary said to the angel, “How will this be, since I am a virgin?”³⁵ And the angel answered her, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born will be called holy—the Son of God. ³⁶ And behold, your relative Elizabeth in her old age has also conceived a son, and this is the sixth month with her who was called barren. ³⁷ For nothing will be impossible with God.” ³⁸ And Mary said, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” And the angel departed from her.

Luke 1:34-38

That is some MAJOR news about Mary’s future! All the plans Mary may have had for her life now have a completely different trajectory.

Think of all the implications here: being an unwed, pregnant girl in a small community, the uncertainty of how her future husband would react… so many unknowns that could cause any normal person to react by grasping at control…

I mean, put yourself in her place! And we think OUR CHRISTMAS is stressful!

But…

We have the privilege of learning a priceless lesson from Jesus’ mother, a chosen, cherished daughter of God: even when life is out of our control, and even if we are afraid, Christians can respond in faith.

Do you realize that? Just because you have always reacted to your fear of losing control by exploding, retreating, feeling sorry for yourself, or giving up, that doesn’t mean you have to keep doing it.

Today, when you face the unexpected, you can respond as Mary has: in faith.

You, too, can say, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord.” And you can say it in faith, no matter how big or small that “thing” is. You can believe God is good and faithful in your heart, in the midst of uncertainty…

• You can look at your diagnosis and say, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord.”
• You can look at the mess of your Christmas plans and say, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord.”
• You can feel the fear, frustration, and anxiety mounting as last minute RSVP’s roll in and say, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord.”
• You can ponder the loss of a loved one, acknowledge your sadness, and say, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord.”
• You can hear your child tell you she’s supposed to bring Christmas cookies to school when you’re already ten minutes late, and say in your heart, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord.”
• You can ponder your empty bank account, vengeful ex-spouse, or sick child and STILL say, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord.”

See, when we place our hopes for joy in anything other than Jesus–our plans, expectations, people, stuff–we will always be disappointed. But joy in Jesus never leads to disappointment.

Take your plans off the altar of your life. Instead, put Christ there, saying, “I am the servant of the Lord.”

Remember, just because life feels out of control, doesn’t mean it is. God is still sitting on the throne.

When we control our thoughts, listen to God’s voice, and respond in faith, just as Mary did, joy will come. And no matter what perceived control slips through our fingers, we can experience settled peace…not just at Christmas but all year round.

I hope that’s as much a comfort to you as it is for me this season.

To read more about how to respond well when life doesn’t go as expected, check out my blog post “When God Thwarts Your Wonderful Plans”.

Your doorbell rings.

For once in a long while, you’re not expecting a package from Amazon. You wonder who’s dropping by so unexpectedly.

“I’ll just open my door a bit so whoever-it-is can’t see my messy living room,” you mutter to yourself.

You open your door a crack to see me, your old friend Leah, paying you a visit. In my mittened hands I’m holding a large, crisply-wrapped present, tied with a fancy gift tag and rustic twine.

“Merry Christmas! I brought you a present, friend,” I say with a warming smile.

“It’s something you’ve always needed and told me you wanted. And to show you how much I care for you, I decided to sacrifice some things and buy it for you. I hope you like it.”

Forgetting the living room clutter, you throw open your door, thanking me, and reaching out for the gift. You invite me in and as I stand in your doorway, you eagerly unwrap the longed-for present.

“I love it!” you exclaim. You can feel the hot tears welling in your eyes. “It really is something I’ve always wanted,” you whisper.

Carefully, you run your fingers over the beautiful gift, knowing how special and costly it is. You feel thankful to have such a caring, attentive friend like me in your life.

“I’m glad you love it so much…” I reply with a pause, “…because it’ll cost ya.”

Your head pops up and you stare at me, confused. “What do you mean?”

“Well, it WAS pretty expensive,” I say digging into my coat pocket. “So I made sure to bring the receipt so you could pay me back. Don’t worry if it takes awhile. There’s no rush.”

**cringe**

You gawk at me, speechless. Then you look down at the receipt I’ve handed you. The cost is higher than you could ever afford. Five lifetimes, working three jobs could never pay for this, you think.

“I..I thought this was a gift,” you stutter sadly, unable to comprehend how you could ever pay me back. You watch, heart-sunken as I get in my car and drive away with a friendly wave. This once wonderful, priceless gift has now become your burden.

---

I’ll bet the first part of this story gave you the warm-fuzzies, didn’t it.

A thoughtful, generous gift-giver, a grateful, humbled gift-receiver, and a gift that nobody–apart from the giver’s sacrifice–could afford.

God is like the generous friend in the first part of this story. His love and affection for us is genuine and indeed, unexpected! Not even the “messy living room” of our hearts keeps him from us.

And to prove how much he cares for us, he sacrifices what is most precious to him–his Son Jesus–in order to give us a gift we could never pay for ourselves: forgiveness and freedom and eternal life.

And wow…did it cost him everything. His Son Jesus paid for us with his very life.

That gift was given on the very first Christmas when Jesus Christ was presented to the world in a very unassuming place: a humble barn in a livestock trough. His life and death would not only change the world, but change YOUR world for eternity. What a precious, priceless gift…worth more than any of us could pay.

But the second half of our story is…well, a different story.

The tables turned dramatically when we found out the gift-giver expected payment for the extravagant gift.

What a jerk thing to do! Yeah, I know you were thinking it.

See, so many people (including believers) without even realizing it, can think that God’s gift of grace and forgiveness isn’t really a gift after all. Instead, it’s something God actually expects us to pay for ourselves through good deeds, saying the right things, going to church, or behaving nicely.

And if we just do enough, we can start chipping away at the total on God’s “receipt”. If we confess in church enough, read the bible enough, have enough right answers, say lofty and lovely prayers, or clean ourselves up enough (at least compared to other people), then we’ll feel better about the massive total.

But friends, unlike the less-than-generous friend in the story, God isn’t waiting for you to pay him back. Yes, his precious gift of a Savior on Christmas is meant to bring tears of humility to your eyes. The gift is MEANT to remind you that there is NOTHING you can do to pay God back. You’re MEANT to feel the overwhelming impossibility of it all.

It’s the Christmas gift you can’t afford, I can’t afford, and nobody can EVER afford. It’s vital to realize that in truly appreciating the gift.

Sadly, in our story, that once-precious gift became a tremendous burden, leaving you in a place of hopelessness and sorrow, knowing you’d forever be in debt, wondering if you could ever be free.

But UNLIKE the end of our story, God’s ending is AMAZING.

In contrast, after seeing the receipt…after knowing the cost of your sin and seeing Jesus pay your debt that you could never pay, YOUR response can be one of joy and gratitude and humility. How? By simply receiving it.

When you receive the FREE GIFT of salvation that God offers through Jesus Christ’s payment on the cross, you don’t have to worry about the debt you owe. You won’t ever have to come back to him and check your balance. You won’t ever have to wonder if his love for you is dependent on what you’ve done or haven’t done.

Because he’s already proved it in his once-for-all, sufficient, complete, and FREE gift. His gift is enough.

And it’s yours for the taking…if you’ll humble yourself, reach out your hands, and take it.

Romans 6:23 says, “For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

What makes a gift a gift is that it’s paid for by the giver and given freely without expectation for anything in return.

And that’s God’s free gift to YOU this Christmas.

I’m so glad that God doesn’t bait and switch us like I did to you in this story…promising something beautiful then expecting more than you could ever pay.

I’m so glad that this Christmas gift, beyond what anyone could ever afford, is truly free for you and me. Will you receive it today? I promise you won’t get the receipt.

What a young woman believes about God is one of the most important things about her.

When her young life collides with adversity, challenge, sorrow, joy, success, failure, heartache, and the countless other realities of human existence, how she responds has everything to do with what she believes about her Creator and her purpose.

It’s easy to forget, though.

It’s easy for our minds to wander from what’s true, no matter if we’re 16 or 66. It’s easy to forget who God is when circumstances and the “evidence” in front of us point to the contrary…when the world shouts, “What’s true for me isn’t necessarily true for you!”

As women, young and old, what we believe about God must be solidly fixed in our minds and hearts if we are to make a supernatural impact for God’s Kingdom.

This will help.

That’s why in my latest resource, the Made Matchless Planner & Prayer Journal for Teens we focus on how to make a supernatural impact, just as Christ did. And two things Christ was amazing at were knowing/trusting the Father and knowing his Word.

In the Planner & Prayer Journal for Teens, I created a page that would be your go-to when the enemy dares you to believe differently about God. This page gives you 25 “You Are’ statements about God (along with bible verses to support it), so that your confidence in God can be strengthened, no matter what you face.

The great news is, you can download a FREE PRINTABLE of these 25 “You Are” statements by clicking here! The printable is taken directly out of the Planner & Prayer Journal for Teens. However, if you’d just like to read them, I’ve included them below. So without further ado, here they are…

25 “You Are” Statements Every Young Woman Needs to Know (and Speak) About God

These statements about God are POWERFUL and so are the verses (click on a verse reference to read it)! Speak these. Say, “God…

• You are trustworthy. ( Psalm 9:10 )
• You are good. ( Psalm 34:8 )
• You are fair. ( Isaiah 30:18 )
• You are sovereign (in control). ( Romans 11:33-36 )
• You are matchless. ( Isaiah 43:10 )
• You are patient. ( 2 Peter 3:9 )
• You are powerful. ( Hebrews 1:3 )
• You are all-knowing. ( Hebrews 4:13 )
• You are merciful. ( Ephesians 2:4-5 )
• You are loving. ( Romans 8:38-39 )
• You are personal. ( Psalm 139:1-4 )
• You are the Savior. ( Galatians 2:20 )
• You are worthy. ( Philippians 2:9-11 )
• You are holy. ( Revelation 15:4 )
• You are for me. ( Psalm 118:6 )
• You are not like me. ( Isaiah 55:8 )
• You are never changing. ( Hebrews 13:8 )
• You are victorious. ( John 16:33 )
• You are forgiving. ( Ephesians 2:1-9 )
• You are my strength. ( 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 )
• You are jealous. ( Deuteronomy 4:24 )
• You are the only way. ( John 14:6 )
• You are redeeming. ( Colossians 1:20-22 )
• You are satisfying. ( Matthew 5:6 )
• You are coming back. ( Revelation 19:11-16 )

The printable is a great reminder that she can hang up in her locker at school, on her bedroom wall, or tucked into her bible. She can make an impact with them by giving them away to friends and neighbors.

Speaking of making an impact, don’t forget to pick up the Made Matchless Planner & Prayer Journal for Teens, “Impact”. This brand new, undated planner and prayer journal will make the perfect gift for the teen girl in your life who is looking to make a supernatural impact for God, just as he made her.

She’ll walk through 12 ways that Jesus Christ impacted others for the Kingdom and she’ll be challenged to follow in his footsteps. She’ll use it to get organized, establish a healthy, thriving prayer life, dive into God’s Word, and to see the God-ordained opportunities before her.

And in a culture that tells her, “Do what makes you happy”, she’ll be encouraged to “take up her cross” and be a shining light for Christ as she seeks out ways to serve others.

If these “You are” statements have been helpful to you, share this post with a friend. While you’re at it, print them a copy!

What “You Are” statements would YOU add to the list? Which one is most meaningful to you in this season of your life? Comment below!