“I’m not bitter. YOU’RE bitter!” Moms, battling bitterness is not easy, especially when you’re feeling unappreciated, under-valued, and dismissed.

Top that with the daily grind, mounting expectations, and the tragedies heaped up in the fallen world. It’s the perfect environment for nurturing a bitter, resentful, and merciless heart.

I’ve been there. Chances are that you have, too.

Bitterness: A sneaky toxicity

It’s a sneaky toxicity that flows too easily into marriage, parenting, friendships, everything. It taints our thoughts, spills out in our words, and inhibits our joy.

I told God all about it this morning…how the expectations felt suffocating, how weary I was of failing, and how I expected grace from those I love, not annoyed disappointment. All genuine feelings.

But him and I both knew that bitterness was taking root, growing. And I cried. Until the Holy Spirit reminded me:

“But the Gospel”

Ok, yeah, I’m not experiencing the gospel right now. I’m not receiving grace. Isn’t that what Christians are supposed to give me when I mess up? God, I needed grace and didn’t get it. I admit it. I’m feeling bitter.

And as I cried more, the Holy Spirit reminded my heart: “You messed up. But the Gospel isn’t just for you in this moment. It’s also for people who are failing to extend the Gospel to you right now. Can you extend the Gospel that you want for yourself…to them?”

Then the truth of the Gospel and the clarity from the Holy Spirit hit me. And I began to journal some hard questions for a bitter mom like myself… maybe for you, too.

Hard questions for a bitter mom

What if we, as believers, started -expecting- one another to fail time and again? What if the Gospel was so ingrained in our hearts that we expected others to -not- be Jesus 24/7? Even among mature believers? Even among those we trust the most in our lowest moments?

How would we respond differently to others, knowing & remembering that we ourselves are fallible, forgetful, and fail, even with our very best efforts?

Could remembering that we can never fully “hit the mark” before a holy God change how we see and what we expect from believers and unbelievers alike?

And when we see someone -always- miss the mark, might we recall our true condition apart from Christ? How because we could never, ever hit the mark, God had to send his Son Jesus to do it on our behalf?

With this understanding, shouldn’t our demeanor at the hearing of someone’s failure be one of sweet understanding instead of just sour criticism?

Might we find ourselves shaking our bitter heads less and saying instead, “I’ve been there. I’ve forgotten commitments. I’ve said stupid stuff. I’ve done dumb things. I’ve been selfish and self-righteous and wrong. I’ve not been Jesus when someone needed it the most.”

And might I expect others to fail to extend grace to ME sometimes…to break sometimes, to sin against me sometimes, to let me down sometimes?

Will I give grace even when I’m not receiving it? Will I extend what’s life-giving? Or will my life be one of bitterness, condemnation, and endless disappointment in those who can never be Jesus in every (or any) moment?

We have a choice about being bitter, moms.

What’s true is this: we have a choice. Moms, let’s be fountains flowing with the sweet waters of gracious truth rather than the bitter waters of merciless contempt.

When we start to feel that bitterness welling up from being unappreciated or under-valued or misunderstood, may we see it as a signal to remember “But the Gospel”. May we remember it not just for us, but for others, too.

Thank you, God, for showing me that the Gospel isn’t only for ME in the moment I fail…it’s also for others who fail to apply the Gospel to MY failures when I need it most.

It’s for ALL us failures, forgetters, and fallibles.

Thank you for teaching me in my sadness, working all things for the good of those who love you. And help me to live the grace of the Gospel for my daughter and everyone to see, in both my successes and failures. As well as in theirs.

What have been your struggles with bitterness? What truths from God’s Word have help you overcome those feelings? Comment below!

Need a place to write down YOUR prayers and thoughts and feelings to God? Check out one of four options of the Made Matchless Planner & Prayer Journal for Women here.

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As a mom, I’m daily reminded that our culture is a challenging, confusing place for our daughters.

Our girls are bombarded with images and messages from the world, telling them where to find truth and what to believe.

On top of that, they’re in a season of so many unknowns and added stressors she’s never faced before! And as parents, we are making some pretty big decisions about our daughters’ education, activities, and health.

And who knows? Maybe that will all change a month (or even a week) from now!

As moms, it can feel impossible helping our daughters remember God’s unchanging truth as changes happen all around us, day-by-day.

It’s a good thing those jobs are not entirely up to YOU, matchless mama.

Friend. I want to remind you of a few things…

I want to remind you that if you’re counting on yourself to get your daughter through this season, you’re counting on the wrong person. It’s up to God to see her through. So let that burden go.

I want to reassure you today, that this season is one of many that God has in the palm of his hands. And his truth is just as true today as it was on the day he said, “Let there be light.” So let that control go.

I want to encourage you with the truth that your daughter has never left his sight. And your prayers for her have never fallen on deaf ears. So let that fear go.

These truths will get you BOTH through this season.

But, if you’re anything like me, acknowledging truth isn’t the hard part. It’s remembering it each and every day in order to LIVE IT OUT.

7 Biblical Truth-Boosting Printable Posters for Your Daughter (and you!)

So to help us all, I’ve put together “7 Biblical Truth-Boosting Printable Posters for Your Daughter” (and you!). You can download these for FREE when you subscribe to the Made Matchless Newsletter!

These printable posters are vibrant, fun, and are sure to be the boost of truth she needs to start each and every day!

And can I give you a little advice, friend? When you go into her room to wake her up each day, take a couple minutes to read them yourself. You will NOT regret getting a boost of truth for your own spirit. I promise.

Print them, frame them, hang them, slip them in the cover of a notebook. So many possibilities! You can even get a closer look by watching a short video about these posters over on my Made Matchless Facebook page by clicking here. Don’t forget to tell your friends who have daughters, too.

Already a subscriber?

This PDF of the “7 Biblical Truth-Boosting Printable Posters for Your Daughter” will be sent to the inboxes of all my newsletter subscribers. You’ll also find them on the subscribers-only page (the password is in your subscriber emails).

Not a subscriber yet?

Click here to subscribe to the MM newsletter (different from the podcast newsletter) and then be on the lookout for this special file in your inbox. You’ll also get a code for 10% off every single purchase in my online store along with new, exciting announcements from Made Matchless.

I’m so thankful that in a season when everything seems up in the air, believers can stay grounded in the truth of God’s Word. Let’s be sure to remind ourselves and our daughters of that truth daily.

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According to a 2018 study, the average person spends over four hours a day on his or her smartphone. Over the course of one year, that adds up to a whopping 1,460 hours, or a total of about 61 days a year!

Can you believe it? Right now, I’m imagining myself staring at and scrolling my screen for two months straight. Yikes.

A City Broken Into

I know when I’m seduced by my smartphone, it feels like what’s described in Proverbs 25:28:

“A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.”

When I’m spending too much time on my phone, my brain and spirit feel flooded with information, ads, stimulation, images… really like a “city broken into and left without walls” of protection or boundaries.

It’s consuming. And it’s because I’m lacking self-control to turn it off (or to just not turn it on to begin with).

Now, I know what you might say…

You might tell me how many useful things a mom can do on her smartphone. And I agree. There are many helpful apps for banking, budgeting, list-making, reading, managing work and connecting with others. Our phones can–and do in some ways–make life more efficient.

But if many of us are honest, we’re not always using our smartphone time for specific purposes that build up our families or ourselves. After all, if our phones really ARE making life more efficient, I’d think we’d have about 4+ hours more to spend with those we love, face-to-face!

Friends, fellow moms, never let your smartphone get more eye contact than your daughter. God has given us the gifts of time and motherhood. And, as women filled with the Holy Spirit, we have power and are called to exercise self-control:

“…for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” 2 Timothy 1:7

Now, I won’t go into all the psychology behind WHY we turn on or phones or why we don’t turn them off. And I won’t talk about how apps are actually designed to keep you engaged and addicted. We could talk about the surge of temporary joy we get when we see a “like”… among other things, but that’s a discussion for another day.

However, there are some important, quick questions you can ask yourself BEFORE checking your smartphone, that will help you think twice before getting sucked in and missing what’s right in front of you.

Question #1: What is the specific reason I’m getting on my phone?

This question will help you evaluate your purpose for turning your smartphone on in the first place and to decide if it’s important and necessary.

Do you need to check your bank account? Were you supposed to respond to a text from your husband? Was there a budget item you needed to account for? Are you hoping to connect with an old friend? Or were you just getting on to check your email for the 12th time today?

Do you see how stopping to ask this simple question helps you evaluate your purpose and can make you think twice before logging in?

Question #2: Can I use my phone for this later?

So you’ve decided your reason is valid. What now? This question will help you evaluate if your timing is right. Maybe you’re on for a very good reason and you do need to accomplish this task on your phone today.

But is this something you can do at a later time when nobody needs your attention? Are there people in your life, right in front of you, who desire to be with you (minus your phone)? What could you accomplish today if the specific tasks you need to do on your phone were saved for the last hour of the day only?

(BEWARE: the enemy will try and convince you that EVERYTHING you’re “notified” of on your smartphone is urgent and that NOW is always the time. It’s not.)

Question #3: Is my time valuable to me and others?

Of course, the answer is YES! This question will help you think about the value of your time. When we take for granted that each minute of time in our lives is a gift from God, then we’re more likely to think how we spend those minutes doesn’t matter.

But they do. Time is a gift for us to use in glorifying God through how we parent, how we work, how we serve, how we love, and how we give.

The little old ladies aren’t joking when they say, “The days are long, but the years are short.” So before you turn to your smartphone, remember that your time is valuable, not just to you, but to your daughter, your family, your neighbor, and to God.

Question #4: What time will I be off my phone?

So far, each of the questions has been asked to make you stop, think, and reduce the impulse you feel to just “hop on real quick”.

Don’t get me wrong, if your reason for getting on is for a bit of good, clean entertainment or sharing a funny meme, I’m not condemning that! In fact, I’m a self-proclaimed curator of quality memes. 🙂

So this last question is for anyone, regardless of your reason for getting on. Asking “What time will I be off my phone” forces you to look at the time, make a firm, self-controlled decision for how long you plan to be on, and then to get off when that time is up.

I recommend setting limits through timers, “do not disturb” settings, and airplane settings. It’s just one more layer to add that will help you exercise God-honoring self-control with your device.

And here are some FREE smartphone wallpapers to help you!

Speaking of layers to help with self-control, I’ve created 4 smartphone wallpapers to help you ask these questions before checking your phone!

Each attractive, eye-catching, attention-grabbing wallpaper features one of the four questions from this article. Download all four! Pick the one you think will help you the most in this season. Pray that God will equip you, by the power of his Holy Spirit, to be in charge of your phone instead of it being in charge of YOU. Switch up the wallpapers to keep the questions fresh and in front of you each time you press “on”.

I hope these “4 Questions a Mom Should Ask Before Checking Her Smartphone” have been beneficial to you! What questions have I missed? Comment below! To download the smartphone wallpapers, click on each gallery image. Save it, then set it to your home screen. Be sure to share them with a friend!

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