“Grateful” is an important part of your identity as a believer in Jesus Christ. And having a heart of gratitude for ALL God has done will only help you and your girl be more effective in the matchless way God made you.
That’s why I created this adorable little set of Thanksgiving printables for you and your girl. It’s an opportunity for you and your girl to meditate on and discuss why gratitude is important to God and to your spiritual lives. As you color these pages and write down what you’re grateful for this season, my prayer is that it helps you both establish a habit expressing gratitude to God for ALL things.
Being grateful is an extremely important part of a believer’s identity. But did you know that there are many other things that God’s Word has to say about who you truly are? And did you know that embracing these parts of your identity are CRUCIAL for your girl as she lives in a world FULL of counterfeit “identities”?
That’s why I’ve also created “We are Matchless”, an online course for your and your girl to do side-by-side that will help you both embrace who God created you to be: MATCHLESS for his kingdom and his glory. I’d love for you to get in the loop about this one-of-a-kind course! To stay updated on “We are Matchless” click here.
To download the FREE Thanksgiving Printables for you and your girl, click here.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my daughter staring at me from the passenger seat as I kept my eyes on the road. She’s asked me this question maybe 4 times, one of those times being this morning on the way to school. It’s moments like these which remind me why I choose to drive her myself each morning and not carpool.
I paused for a few seconds to collect my thoughts. Then I shared several approaches to her situation and how, if I were her, I’d consider it. Then I said, “There’s not an easy answer. But if you ask God for wisdom, he will give it to you. He promises that in James 1. Pray about it and I’m confident you’ll do what’s right.”
The Most Precious Words I Have Heard
After I got home, I realized something. Hearing the words “Mom, what do you think?” are the more precious words I have heard from my daughter and the greatest gift I could possibly receive from her.
I know a lot of moms with daughters younger than my 14-year-old. They want this kind of honest, trusting relationship, too. They long for a voice in their girls’ lives, but aren’t sure how to have it. It’s a valid and good longing!
Mom, one of your main goals with your daughter should be fostering a trusting, reputable, healthy, and honest relationship with her. More than having a daughter with good grades or exceptional talent or lots of friends, you should long for your daughter to feel secure enough in her relationship with you that she actually wants to hear your opinion…that your daughter thinks you have something valuable to say.
I have to tell you, though, it does NOT come overnight. It’s long, dedicated, intentional. It happens with small, daily investments.
“What kinds of investments?” you ask. “Pennies”, I say.
Imagine you want to save up for something big and important. You don’t have the means to pay for it all now–that’s simply not realistic. But you can save up by investing small amounts daily, knowing there will one day be enough for the big important thing. And with the daily pennies you invest, you know it doesn’t look like much. You’re certainly not shoving thousand dollar bills in the jar (wouldn’t that be easy?). But with the pennies, you just have to trust that someday, they’ll pay off.
In the case of your daughter, you want to “save up” for something invaluable: a healthy, beautiful relationship where you actually have a voice and permission to speak into her life. You won’t be there for her at all times, so you want her to feel trusted by you to make godly decisions on her own. You want her to feel confident and YOU want to feel confident in her, too, because the world is a challenging and confusing place. Neither of you will do this relationship perfectly, but you become more like sisters in Christ, doing life side-by-side, seeking to honor God and make an impact in the unique way God made you.
Sounds dreamy, right? I have yet to meet a Christ-following mom who DOESN’T want this, deep down.
Trusting the Long, Slow Investment
Mom, just like most important investments, this kind of relationship can’t come by shoving fistfuls of cash in a jar and saying, “There, I’ve done it. I have what I always dreamed of deep in my heart.” No, this kind of relationship happens with daily pennies invested in faith.
“Leah, I want this so much. But what do those pennies look like?” Ah, there’s the question.
The nature of these pennies is that when you “drop them in”, they’re so small that you wonder if they’re even doing anything. And the process is so slow, any impact seems negligible. But you must trust God in the process. You must remember the pennies are worth it, on good days, rough days, and exhausting days. Here are some “pennies” you may have already begun dropping in OR can begin dropping in today:
Penny 1: Time with your girl, however you can get it.
If you have no time for your girl, you’re too busy. Yup, I’m especially talking to YOU, ultra-efficient, time-saving, mega to-do list mama. Your girl needs your time and attention, and often, it’s not super efficient. That’s just the nature of relationship: it can’t be rushed. That’s why I drive my girl even though I could carpool. All of us can find excuses for not giving our girls time, but time is something I’ve intentionally invested and I’m seeing those pennies pay off now.
Penny 2: A listening ear.
Listen listen listen. About school, friends, teachers, hobbies, books, shows, activities, passions, interests, (yes, even boys). Please, mom, listen to her and don’t be quick to jump in to correct or make it about you. Even if whatever she’s talking about is SO not your thing, care about it because SHE does, because it matters to HER. Listening moms have girls who are more likely to listen when they ask for mom’s input.
Penny 3: Clarifying questions.
Ask her to clarify what she means, who she’s hanging out with, what they’re saying. Ask what she’s thinking about, what the most interesting part of her day was, what was challenging that day. You may feel like you’re being nosy, but you’re really just showing that her life matters to you. Plus, when she finally asks the question “Mom, what do you think?” you’ll be able to answer from a place of knowledge about her life.
Penny 4: Love your husband well.
Your daughter is watching your marriage carefully. Marriage is one of the toughest jobs on earth because it’s designed to be a picture of Christ and the Church. When you love your husband well (and ideally, he is loving you well in return), it shows your daughter that you trust God’s Word. It shows that you don’t shy away from big, tough things, and that you want what’s best for others. I don’t know about you, but that sounds like someone she can trust!
Penny 5: Daily Encouragement.
Admittedly, this has been a hard one for me. It shouldn’t be, but it has been. The teacher in me wants to use every moment to teach, instruct, and align things rightly. But in my bent to do that, I’ve neglected to focus on specific encouragement. So over the past couple of years, I’ve sought to drop more of those “pennies” into our relationship jar. If you need a list of encouraging things to tell her, check out my post “60 Building-Up Things to Say to Your Daughter” here.
Penny 6: Personal time in God’s Word.
When you talk with your daughter, are you going by what YOU think is the big picture? Or are you going with what GOD thinks is the big picture? Because if your feedback is only based on your limited vision, experiences, and fluctuating emotions, your daughter can’t count on you to give her wise counsel. As moms, our thoughts need to continually be filtered through God’s Word. And that means spending time each day studying it and/or memorizing it. What will it matter what WE think if we don’t know what GOD thinks? Those “pennies” won’t just be for the investment of your relationship with her, but also with God!
Penny 7: Reassurance of love.
As your daughter heads out each day into a crazy world, she is fighting an enemy that hates her and wants to destroy her. Each and every day, find a way to reassure her that you love her no matter what. And even more importantly, reassure her that God proved his love for her by sending his only Son Jesus to die on the cross for her. Knowing that she is loved by you and God assures her that you BOTH have her best interest in mind. That’s essential if you want her to ask “Mom, what do you think?”
No Guarantee, and That’s O.K.
Friend, mom, I wish this was a guarantee that your daughter will follow Christ and only make wise, godly decisions. But it’s not. You may invest every penny on this list and your daughter still goes the ways of the world.
But friend, we don’t invest pennies in our relationships so we can sleep better at night or have guaranteed outcomes. We invest these pennies for the Lord and out of love for him and our daughters. Our daughters belong to God, not us. We are simply called to take the pennies we have, invest them for his glory, and trust HIM with the results.
I’m writing this to you today to encourage you to invest those pennies, regardless of the perceived outcome. I’m writing this to encourage you to start today, even if you think it’s too late. The pennies of time, listening, questions, loving your husband, encouragement, God’s Word, and reassurance of love are ALL worth it, even if for God alone.
But I do pray this day, with all my heart, that you might someday hear the same precious words I heard this morning from my daughter: “Mom, what do you think?” And I pray that, as we respond to that question through a biblical worldview, that our girls will more importantly learn to ask this question: “God, what do you think?”
What other “pennies” do you recommend investing with your girl? What did I leave out? Leave a comment!
Today, in my mind, I saw myself standing on the rocky shoreline of a great ocean.
And I was looking at a longtime friend as she stood on a boat that was pulling her and many others out to sea.
She was calling to me, asking why I was going so far away from her. She was shocked that I was drifting from her, trying to convince me not to go, giving me so many reasons… not realizing that I hadn’t moved.
I hadn’t moved in a very. long. time.
But the boat kept drifting and our distance grew. She began getting frustrated. And no matter how clear it was that my feet remained planted on the shore and that her boat was adrift, and no matter how many times I pointed to my feet on the rocks, all she could comprehend was our increased separation.
And as she squinted to see me, now a speck in her distance, she shook her head, disappointed in my leaving.
And on my shoreline, I knew. My friend never even realized she had stepped on board. Or maybe she had and assumed I would come along. Either way, I sadly watched her disappear on the horizon.
Grief over lost friends and family is hard.
We watch our unbelieving friends and family head down paths of darkness, sin, and despair. We see them following the world whole-heartedly, changing their minds with each new sinful trend, listening to the culture and taking it all in.
It’s as if they’ve gotten on board an invisible boat, drifting further and further into sin. Then one day, they turn around and see YOU far away, standing firm, and are shocked that you still believe in Jesus, in the Bible, in one-man-one-woman-for-a-lifetime, in sin and repentance and eternal life…
But instead of wondering how it is you’ve both become so different from one another, they assume that YOU are the one who has changed. They can only conceive that the problem must be you.
Suddenly you’re considered “extreme”, “old-fashioned”, “bigoted” and “intolerant” because of how far the cultural current has taken THEM from where you stand.
If you’re like me, you try your best to be winsome yet truthful, to communicate clearly with kindness and boldness. You share verses and perspectives that you’ve developed from carefully reading God’s Word. You don’t do it perfectly, but you try.
But ultimately, as they continue to drift or they listen to the world’s call to “cut out toxic people”, you grieve. Why?
Because no matter how much you try and explain and share and love and listen, the truth is, you can’t open their eyes to the reality that their vessel is full of holes and heading for destruction.
You grieve because you’ve been there and you’ve seen it and you know that sin ALWAYS over-promises and under-delivers.
You grieve because as a believer in Jesus, the worst thing you can imagine is someone embracing their sin and rejecting eternal life and forgiveness in Jesus Christ.
Yes, you grieve.
But. You don’t stop there.
Friend, your grief should TURN YOU to the only One who CAN open their eyes, to the One who never “under-delivers”, to the One who snatched YOU off the sinking vessel and placed you on the Solid Rock: JESUS CHRIST.
Fellow women of God, I believe that it is a great mercy for God to show us the sinful depravity of the world. It moves our hearts to grieve. And grief can be a powerful catalyst.
If we DON’T experience the deep sadness of our friends and family someday being eternally separated from the Father, we show that we really have very little concern for them at all.
But when we DO allow our hearts to grieve those who are still physically alive but are spiritually dead, it motivates us to pray fervently to our Father in Heaven on their behalf. We pray passionately to Him, that he would save them and do what we simply can’t do on our own. He did it with us and he can do it again.
And I believe that, even in grief, friends, we can experience supernatural hope and peace as we trust God with our requests.
