In our age of instant information, gratification, and action, moms of daughters face a particularly challenging problem: raising wise, discerning girls.

Most of us know what it means to have wisdom.

Wisdom doesn’t “download” information so it can sit in a file. Wisdom connects information with life. It sees deeper lessons beneath the surface. While knowledge is free for the taking and plentiful, wisdom is searched for like a treasure (Proverbs 2:1-5). Wisdom is a precious commodity many claim to want but few are willing to seek.

Then, what’s discernment?

Discernment is simply wisdom in action. It’s applying solid judgment. Discernment is selective and tasteful in what it says, does, thinks, and embraces because it makes choices through the lens of wisdom. It carefully distinguishes between good and evil. Many times it is slower, but always deliberate and intentional.

Wisdom and Discernment: Counter-cultural

Both wisdom and discernment are counter-cultural in our read-now-hear-now-share-now culture, our forget-the-consequences, hope-for-the-best environment. It’s because wisdom and discernment are motivated by and connected to love. As a woman, I feel the strong, rushing current against exercising my own wisdom and discernment on a frequent basis.

So we can only imagine how hard it is for our girls growing up and being shaped by this culture. I heard recently that “the enemy doesn’t take a vacation” and he certainly isn’t taking one with this promising generation! You know what the enemy hates? Moms who raise daughters to seek wisdom and live it out through discernment. He wants foolish, rash, rushing girls (and our culture is full of them).

So moms, we have two choices:

(1) Go with the flow and hope for the best OR

(2) take action in raising wise, discerning girls who can make a supernatural impact for God’s kingdom and present themselves as beacons of light. I’m assuming, because you’re reading this article, you choose #2!

So here are 7 tips for raising wise, discerning daughters in our culture.

Tip #1: Pray for/Seek wisdom and discernment for yourself.

I’ve prayed this countless times over parenting, marriage, theology, friendships, and many situations beyond my current understanding. And I have NEVER seen God fail to provide the wisdom and discernment I need to make a confident decision. I experience wisdom as I read what his Word says and I experience discernment at moments of personal reflection.

Look at what James 1:5-8 says:

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. ⁶ But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. ⁷ For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; ⁸ he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

If you want a daughter that is wise and discerning, instead of “driven and tossed by the wind”, you must be a woman of same suit. Foolish, heart-driven, rash moms raise girls who mirror it and sadly, face a turbulent, unsettled life.

Tip #2: Don’t rescue your daughter from everything.

Even when I’ve received discernment from the Lord, I’ve chosen foolishness. It’s that pesky thing called “the flesh” (augh!). “Why did I do that?” I groan. God could have rescued me from my foolish mistake, but he knew that, through the consequences, I’d learn to be wiser and more discerning in the future.

Your daughter needs to learn from her mistakes, too. She will grow in wisdom and discernment by trying her own way, failing, and eventually seeing the truth in God’s Word. But if you rescue her from everything, she’ll never experience the fallout of stepping away from God’s guidance. Hebrews 12:5-11 tells us about the holy discipline God gives his children. So although there should be moments of grace, remember: hard but beautiful lessons are learned on God’s path to discernment.

Tip #3: Create a home that allows her to slow down and consider.

Gaining wisdom, as shared in Proverbs 2:1-5, is seeking a treasure and treasures aren’t found quickly. Wisdom and discernment take time, careful consideration, and prayer. Is your home environment rushed, schedule-packed, and urgent? If so, it’s time to create some space to breathe and think in your home.

If your home doesn’t leave “space” for this, you are nurturing a hurried spirit in your daughter who never learns the value of stopping to search wisdom and apply it. Her life will be filled with rushed decisions with unintended consequences.

So many women today say, “I wish I had time to spend with God.” Friends, we can’t afford to NOT spend time with him! So part of how you can create this environment is by slowing down yourself and digging into God’s Word for wisdom. Show her what that looks like. Remove activities from your calendar, leave time to search and space to consider.

Tip #4: Be first-reponders, not a first-reactors.

My kids and I regularly talk about being first-responders vs. first-reactors.

First-responders are the heroic people in our communities that respond to emergencies (firefighters, EMT’s, etc). These people are trained to respond to chaos and threat in the best possible ways. Consider what they do when a call comes through: they stop what they’re doing. They listen carefully. They gather the information they need. Finally, they RESPOND by taking action with one goal in mind: serving. It takes time to respond. It takes intentionality and care and listening. It considers others (Philippians 2:3-4).

Everything a first-reactor does is the opposite. A first-reactor would just jump into the firetruck and go, driving who-knows-where. The actions of the first-reactor are quick, thoughtless, and selfish. If you want a daughter who is wise and discerning, encourage her to be a first-responder (and practice it yourself!).

Tip #5: Have open conversations about choices your family is making.

Previous generations kept family decisions fairly private from the children, but if we want our daughters to be discerning and wise, it’s time we have more open family conversations.

Our daughter has become incredibly discerning about spending money as we’ve been open about financial struggles. As you process tough family issues, consider including your daughter in some of the discussions of decisions you face. Share with her what you’ve researched in God’s Word about it and why it’s hard for you. Give her a sneak peek into what God is working out in your heart. It’s a careful step we must take, as to not emotionally overly-burden our girls, so ask for discernment on this one! 😉

Tip #6: Foster a home that graciously understands multiple sides of an issue, while maintaining truth.

Its en vogue to talk about “gray areas” of Christianity, as if God is not super clear. Make no mistake: what God wants clear, he makes abundantly clear. Where there’s room for grace, he gives it.

This tip has a few facets. (1) “GRACIOUSLY…” means we don’t approach issues with pride, but only by the grace of God. We don’t look down on others, but humble ourselves. (2) “…UNDERSTANDS MULTIPLE SIDES” means we are aware that someone else may have a reason for believing as they do, even if their belief is wrong or wrongly-placed. (3) “…WHILE MAINTAINING TRUTH” simply means that at some point, the truth is settled in God’s Word, not in our feelings of what “should” be true.

To raise a girl who is wise and discerning, create a home that humbly considers others. At the very least, she’ll feel safe enough to have a reasonable discussion with YOU when she’s grappling with the solid foundation of God’s truths.

Tip #7: Read God’s Word with and pray with your daughter.

Ultimately, wisdom is mined and discernment is practiced over time. And let’s face it: we NEED God in it all. So this last tip is simple: get into God’s Word WITH your daughter. Consider going through the book of Proverbs. There are 31 chapters so you can read one chapter every night together for a month. Each night, ask her which verse stood out for her life right now.

Then have a short conversation and pray about it. Pray for you both to apply the verse. Pray for God to give you opportunities to practice discernment. Pray for hearts that seek his wisdom like a treasure. (By the way, in case you scrolled by it, I included a free printable to help you and your daughter read Proverbs together! Click here or on the image above to download and print it.)

Each of these tips I’m practicing with my own 11-year-old daughter. I believe a girl can never be too young to pour into when it comes to wisdom and discernment.

Begin today, even with just one tip of fostering it in yourself. And let’s build a new generation of wise, discerning girls that bring honor to their Heavenly Father.

WHICH OF THESE TIPS WILL YOU BEGIN WITH YOURSELF/YOUR GIRL? COMMENT BELOW!