As moms, we have a tremendous responsibility to use building-up words instead of words that tear down (and to teach our daughters to do the same). And the Bible certainly has a lot to say about our words and building one another up (Ephesians 4:29, Romans 14:19, Hebrews 3:13 to name a few).

I remember my daughter and son fighting over the massive amount of Legos they co-own and had been building with side-by-side. You’d be amazed how quickly a discussion about one blue brick can escalate to a full-blown argument (or maybe you’re not so amazed because…yeah, Legos).

Tearing Down and Building Up

So God (in his totally amazing way he’s God) opened my eyes in that moment to an illustration. “How much time did it take you each to build your creations with these Legos?” I asked them.

“A long time. Like, multiple days.”

“And how much time do you think it would take to tear down?”

“Like, five seconds!”

We used the next few minutes to talk about how words are like that. Just like with their Lego creations, building each other up with words takes time, effort, intentionality, care, and thoughtfulness.

And just like tearing down a Lego creation, tearing each other down with our words is quick, thoughtless, reckless, and destructive. Yeah, they got the point pretty quickly.

And as much as that illustration was for my kids, it has stuck with me to this very day, because the truth is, I, too, can be reckless and destructive with my words. And it only takes a few quick blows of hurtful, critical statements to tear my kids down. I know I’m not alone in this, am I right, moms?

But what if it’s hard? What if you came from a critical family and struggle to change the habit and find the words? What if your daughter is so different from you and she’s just too hard to understand and you feel like you’re not connecting?

I hear you. So I’ve put together a list of helpful, life-giving, building-up things you can say to your daughter to help create an environment of building-up instead of tearing down. Here are 60 building-up things to say to your daughter. Want a printable of this list? Scroll to the bottom and click the image!

60 building-up things to say to your daughter

1. I love you AND I like you.
2. Oh, you’re interested in ______? Tell me what you like about it.
3. I love how different you are from me in _______.
4. It’s interesting to hear your thoughts about that.
5. I’m listening. (with eye contact)
6. You’re a treasure to me.
7. Let’s go out together for a couple hours. Where do you want to go?
8. I love seeing you grow and become your own person.
9. I’m looking forward to seeing what God does in your life.
10. Here’s how I see God working in your life…
11. You’re so beautiful to me.
12. Your dad and I love each other and care so much about you. We’re so happy to be your parents.
13. I want to take you out for hot chocolate/coffee/tea. Where would you like to go for that?
14. You make me smile when you…
15. How lovely you are, inside and out.
16. I hear you and I can understand why you would feel that way.
17. That sounds hard. I’ll bet God’s Word has something to say. Let’s look in the Bible together.
18. I remember when I was about your age and that was hard for me, too.
19. It’s hard being patient / loving / understanding / diligent etc., isn’t it?
20. Tell me about your friend. What’s going on with her these days? (shows interest in her relationships)
21. I’d love to know what you think about…
22. What’s been on your heart/mind lately?
23. You have a beautiful smile.
24. I enjoy being with you.
25. How can I come alongside you in this?
26. How can I help?
27. Those sound like strong feelings. Is there something I can do?
28. I’m sorry I _______. It was wrong because ________. Will you forgive me?
29. I forgive you and I will not bring this up again.
30. I appreciate your honesty / integrity / kindness / forgiveness / patience / loyalty etc.
31. I see Jesus in you when you _________ .
32. It’s such a privilege to be your mom.
33. I love experiencing life with you.
34. Can I hug you?
35. Can I spend time with you tomorrow?
36. I took some time off so we can be together.
37. You’re growing up and I’m so proud of you, just as you are.
38. God created you matchless and it’s so beautiful to see.
39. It sounds like, deep down, you care deeply about ______.
40. I’m blessed to have you as my daughter.
41. I trust you to make the right choice.
42. God will give you what you need. Let me know how I can help.
43. I believe you.
44. God’s plans for you are beyond what you can imagine or think. (Ephesians 3:20-21)
45. Jesus is with you always.
46. I’m/We’re saying no because what you do or don’t do matters to us and to God.
47. You’re capable. God will help you and fill in your gaps.
48. It’s okay that you’re not perfect. You don’t need to be because Jesus already was and is.
49. It’s so good to see you!
50. I can see God is changing your heart. It’s so neat to see.
51. I picked up this little gift for you. I thought of you when I saw it.
52. I cleaned your room / took out the trash, etc. for you.
53. Let’s just relax tonight.
54. I prayed for you today. / How can I pray for you today?
55. You’re an important part of our family. You matter.
56. I like your style.
57. What’s one thing you did today that you’re pleased with?
58. Pick a bible verse and let’s memorize it together. Which one should we do?
59. It looks like you have several options. Which looks like the best to you? Why?
60. I see that you’re growing in wisdom. That’s so awesome to see.

Remember, it takes no time at all to tear down, but building up takes time, intentionality, care, effort, and thoughtfulness. I hope that these 60 building-up things to say to your daughter will help foster an environment of encouragement and building up, not only in your own life towards her but in the life she continues as she grows up and encourages others.

What building-up things would you add to the list? Comment below!