I used to call us stay-at-home moms until I realized how funny that title is for us. After all, do any of us stay-at-home moms really STAY there? I mean, I get it. We don’t go to a workplace during the day or night. But I think the title also carries with it some ambiguity. Does she have a part-time internet job? Is her sole job raising the kids and keeping the house up? Does she work full-time from home? And with that ambiguity brings some natural curiosity from those who DO go to work during the day.
Over the past 9 years I’ve gotten questions about “what I do all day” from those curious people. I know they don’t mean any harm and I’m not easily offended. But its important to understand that just because a mom doesn’t leave home for a paid-at job, doesn’t mean she isn’t working hard. She’s just working differently. (In fact, I’d love to suggest that we move away from the job title stay-at-home moms to work-from-home moms. That’s the title I use for myself, but maybe that’s a post for a future date. I’ll use the terms interchangeably in this article).
Maybe you’re a person who IS genuinely curious about what a certain stay-at-home mom’s life looks like. Maybe you’d like to create conversation with a friend that shows you value what she does. Or maybe you’re a husband hoping to connect better with the stay-at-home mother of your children. Here are 5 great questions you can ask a stay-at-home mom that helps her feel encouraged, supported, and valued.
5 Great Questions You Can Ask a Stay-at-Home Mom
Question 1: “So, what did your day look like today?” (Instead of “So, what do you do all day?”)
This question is great for two reasons: (1) If she’s been home with the kids all day, it can feel so good to just share her day with another adult and be listened to compassionately.
And (2) because life can be so different from day to day, there is no “typical” day for a stay-at-home mom. You asking what it looked like “today” shows you understand that.
On the flip side, “What do you do all day?” can be interpreted, “I can’t possibly imagine what would keep you busy all day”. It could also make her feel inadequate if she has trouble articulating the tasks she accomplished that day (wiping poopy bottoms isn’t high on society’s list of accomplishments). Instead, bless her by simply asking about her day. Whether she has a lot or a little to say, listen and love her.
Question 2: “What’s the most rewarding part about working from home?” (Instead of “I couldn’t do what you do–my kids drive me crazy.”)
You know why I love this question? Because it helps stay-at-home moms who lead busy, stressful jobs raising children, running households, and possibly running businesses from home focus on what they enjoy about it. It reminds a mom of the big picture.
What’s popular on the internet today are mom articles that bash our kids, complain about how needy they are, and joke about how normal moms need wine at 9 a.m. As moms, we can fall into the “misery loves company” trap, so if you can do your part to encourage us with this question, please do! (By the way, we don’t have super powers to be able to handle our jobs the way we do. Our kids drive us crazy at times, too. We’ll talk about that if we need to, but encouraging us to think of the good, I believe, is better than encouraging us to complain.)
Question 3: “What kinds of interests do you have?” (Instead of “Do you ever get out of the house?”)
One thing I struggled with early on as a stay-at-home mom was the sense I was losing my womanhood and individuality. I was called “mom” all the time. I carried out mom duties every day & night. And to be honest, sometimes I’d hide when I heard “Mooooommm!” from the other room. It was my job, role, 24/7. And I was blessed by it for sure, but in those days, there was little time (if any) left for me to feel like Leah.
But, hey! It certainly didn’t mean I had no interests! Though time in my interests was scarce, the interests were still there, tucked away. Asking a stay-at-home mom what her interests are reminds her she is still a woman, an individual, uniquely created with dreams, desires, interests, and beliefs. Help draw those out of her once again, even if for just a short while!
Question 4: “Will you continue to work from home when your kids are older?” (Instead of “So, when are you going back to work?”)
The reality is, there are actually moms who continue to stay/work from home even when their kids are school-aged. That’s okay and actually quite wonderful and rewarding! Some take on work-from-home jobs. Some decide to be homemakers, volunteers, classroom moms, and fulfill other important jobs without leaving the home for employment. Some of us homeschool our kids (like I do). Some will get a job when their kids go to school.
Whatever her response is, encourage her! Moms who choose to work hard from home appreciate being valued as equally as those who join the workforce. Remember, not being paid for our work inside the home isn’t something we complain about, but it can be a challenge thinking our work isn’t as valued in the eyes of the world because of it. Your supportive listening and words help us and our families! (For an interesting article on the hypothetical salary of a mom, check out this article).
Question 5: What can I do to support you? How can I pray for you/help you this week? (Instead of “Is there anything I can do?”) Then DO IT!
If other work-from-home moms are anything like me, it can be hard to ask for help. Even with social media, play dates, and other ways to connect, we can still feel isolated and alone. Sometimes we don’t want to “burden” other people with our problems or hear “no” so we don’t ask for someone to do us even a small favor. There are times I don’t even ask because I don’t want someone to feel badly when they have to say “no”. Sounds silly, but true.
So, friend, don’t ask “Is there anything I can do to help?” because she will probably say “no”. Chances are, she thinks you’re just being polite. However, when you ask WHAT you can do to support her, HOW you can pray for her, or HOW you can help her, she’s a lot more likely to be specific. Knowing that you care enough to help and pray for her makes her more comfortable to open up about her genuine needs instead of going it alone.
And…
Once you’ve asked, don’t leave her hanging–Follow through! Stay-at-home moms live long days of multitasking, cleaning, answering questions, teaching, disciplining, and repeating. Someone picking up a gallon of milk for a mom home with 2 sick kids is pretty much a love language in itself. If enough people would ask and genuinely be willing to step up and support, pray, and help her, she’d experience the love, value, and respect she frequently lacks from the world. How wonderfully you could bless her!
You can make a difference.
In conclusion, I don’t know if changing our title from stay-at-home moms to work-from-home moms will make much of a difference to the world. But when you ask stay-at-home moms questions that support and encourage them, they feel that their work is valuable and that they are cared for. And chances are, if you’ve asked a stay-at-home mom these questions and compassionately listened, you’ve probably just made her day and given her the boost of confidence she needs to head into the next, poopy diapers and all.
As a stay-at-home mom, what other questions would you love being asked? Comment below!
